.Thursday!.

Today is yet another of my relaxing family days that I can never get enough of! We are all seated in our favorite places clicking away at the computers or in my sister's case putting together yet another puzzle. The only difference today is that we are officially snowed in! The city hasn't even really bothered to snow plow the roads and I for one am a-ok with it. I have never liked driving in snow. If by chance while I was in high school I woke up to a white morning I refused to leave the house. I considered it safer just to stay home and watch Oprah.

This trip to Prescott has been amazing! It has been solely about family and close friends. No parties, no drunkeness, and definitely no hangover regretfulness. I prefer it this way. I have become a glass of wine type of girl and I think it's all for the best. I hate self induced headaches and being bombarded with all the "crazy stuff you did/said" last night texts. Gross. Even in Austin I really don't drink at all, because you always have to drive (or at least I do) and I refuse to drive with more than two drinks coursing through. Never more than a healthy buzz for this gal!

Speaking of Austin, I really feel a bittersweet pull towards my new home. For the first time in a long, long time I really feel that I have found somewhere I can stay for a long period of time. I have been really lucky to meet a couple really great girls and that reallly makes all the difference. I have my job to thank for that and honestly I look forward to going back and seeing all the new stuff I've missed out on!

BUT, no rushing home for me. I want to enjoy and soak up every minute in my sweet little hometown!


Happy Thursday! <3

.Birthday.

Today was not exactly what I had expected due to an unexpected hospital visit. There was no cake, no celebration and definitely not even a dinner. It could have been one of the worst birthdays, BUT I was lucky enough to spend the last little bit of the day with baby Henry and his lovely mama. They really saved my day and I couldn't be more grateful.
Things have been pretty tough lately with family issues and friend issues weighing me down, down, down. I have tried to stay really positive, but sometimes I just give in and admit that what I am going through is indeed tough and it's ok to cry about it. Losing people is never fun especially when it's family and friends whom you've trusted for ten years. Every now and then I wish I could go back in time, not to change anything no no, but just to relive it. I wish I could go back and have my grandma rub my arm and read me a story all over again. I wish I could hear her laugh and whistle her way through whatever mundane task was at hand. I sure am going to miss her.

.New Friend to Follow!.

I realize that it's not "Follow Friday", but I rarely adhere to such internet guidelines so here is my Follow Tuesday!
This lovely little gal is my new close friend and fellow Anthropologie employee in Austin, Jess! She's a real great lady who is at one of those pivotal points in her life! I'm sure you'll love her as much as I do, I mean who doesn't love a witty, married, tattooed, dog loving little lady?! Her blog is just getting off the ground but I can see great things! CLICK HERE to read her very first entry!

.Another Favorite Thing.

One of my favorite "day off rituals" is drinking fresh coffee out of my ever growing collection of beautiful mugs via Anthro. One of the perks of that job is being able to slowly surround myself with lovely things!

Happy Thursday! <3

.Stuck in Traffic Playlist.

My work schedule is normally 8 a.m-5 p.m. This basically means I hit peak traffic times to and from work each and everyday, and nothing gets me through it like a good play list!

.Finally It's Fall.

Time for cold weather and warm beverages. <3

.Your Guide to Retail.

I have worked retail, in the area of apparel for many years. I have seen it all, heard it all and handled it all. Maybe I have done it for too long at this point, but I can't take the customer complaints anymore. Due to the time of year and influx of shoppers and impatience I have prepared a bit of a guide to help smooth the process. For those who have never worked for a corporate company I will answer the questions that are often somehow clouded in misconception. While in the store itself you are enjoying the most basic level of the company, the final culmination of many, many policies, procedures and decisions made by those you CANNOT SEE or TALK TO. The people (poor innocent people) you see smiling at you and greeting you are doing what they are told and the product you see has not been chosen by ANY OF THEM. We little peon workers do not decide a.) the return policy b.) the price of the clothing c.) what product and sizing are available. If you have made the choice to risk not buying something in the store until it goes on sale that is YOUR RISK. If it is no longer available we do not have the capability to magically have it appear or hire low waged workers to sew it for you in the back. I know...it's not ideal. Also, if you are making a LARGE and COMPLEX return, exchange, purchase, and/or have the desire to take your anger out on someone and have very little time on your hands...yelling and/or drumming your fingers on the counter cannot and will not speed up the time it takes to go through the process. Come back when you feel more relaxed and have more time. This also may come as a surprise, but most likely you are not the only person in the world who is shopping at that point in time and most likely you are not the only person who needs something...awkwardly enough the ratio of customer to sales associate is generally not equal, breathe deeply and stay calm. Until you have reached the counter and have paid with your choice of method, the clothing does not belong to you...taking it into the fitting room is a courtesy provided by the retailer and crumpling it up and throwing it on the floor is weird, rude and should embarrass you. It also does not help with the latter issue of inspiring happiness and willingness in those working to get you what you need. Lastly and most importantly, you are buying clothing not changing/saving the world, it is not life or death...if all your wildest dreams do not come true life will indeed go on. Please, do not ruin the day of the poor soul who has done nothing to personally wrong you, is underpaid and has probably done everything they can to find you that damned $39.95 top that you have waited and waited for to be marked down. Thank you for reading this PSA and happy shopping to all!

.Hello and Welcome!

I have just reached 100 followers and I wanted to welcome each and every one of you into my little corner of the internet! I appreciate you reading and I hope to start taking this little blog of mine a little more seriously!

Thanks for following and welcome!

.Two Great Loves.

If I am ever down and out, feeling off my game and/or just plain bummed out there is always a cure! Something that picks me up and takes me away from reality for a few minutes. Bob Dylan. The man and the music. He began making music many decades ago and it still translates today. I can understand that people may not enjoy his actual singing voice, but when folks tell me they "don't like Bob Dylan" I can not continue to talk to them. I honestly do not understand what that means. His music is universal and his writing is/was groundbreaking. To go even further I have "A Hard Rains Gonna Fall" tattooed on my thigh! Any conversation that turns negative should just not be had with me! I have read every book he's written, watched every documentary and listened to every artist that influenced him that he has mentioned.I love it all! Lately I've been feeling just a little off and my home, car and Ipod have been playing me some Dylan on repeat, so I thought I'd share it here!





Some of my all time favorite Dylan songs (very, very edited down I could go on FOREVER).

.The Stories I Could Tell.

Weheartit.com

The stories I could tell, the disappointments I've experienced and the distance I have run in hopes of never feeling that again are weighing down on me. He is right, I do deserve to "enjoy my life", but because he said it the words hurt my head. It wasn't fair and I didn't deserve any of it and in fact neither did she. Why us? Why her? Why this? WHY SO LONG? There are no answers and if offered them I probably wouldn't listen and/or it could never be enough. This should not even be written, because it should never be remembered. You said we all regret and I always laughed and said I regretted nothing, but now I do...I regret you.

.Banned from Real Life.

I had the opportunity to see the original line up of the legends of Bad Brains come together and play at The Mohawk here in Austin. I was well aware that H.R was no longer that kind of front man, but to see him moving in slow mo and not speaking real words...woah. Drugs are bad. Real bad. It was comical watching him speak to his imaginary friend behind a speaker, while wearing his bullet proof vest. Their set went 2 punk then 2 reggae and back again. It was so funny to see the kids really unsure what to do after The Regulator stopped and "jah la la looooo oooolooo (??)" started. The band was there, though it was just H.R. who is now a puppet who blows kisses every 2 minutes that was hard to watch. Over all though, it was enjoyable and I can't complain that I had the opportunity to hear those legendary tunes played by the originals...live.

.Happy Days are Here Again.

Everything has been going a little more my way..baby steps, but steps non the less. I tend to feel very up and down. I have very rarely in my life felt "content" and/or "happy" for extended periods of time. I have been trying my best to figure out why that is and to change it. It's been a bit of an uphill battle, seeing as how uprooting your life can make a process of finding contentment a little more out of reach. I am not even sure contentment is what I want, but I'd like to feel something like it. My tactics have been to really reach out and meet new people, exploring my new surroundings and trying new things. New, new and more new. It's all really working so far and I can feel myself letting go of the old, old and old. It's just taking time and all I got is time.

.Most Interesting Party in the World.

Dos Equis, yes the beer, has been traveling around the world throwing parties with a fabulous front man! A co worker of mine and myself had the honor to be present at such a night with host Andrew W.K. A friend told me that Austin is a tough place to play because the populace is "jaded" from all the live music, really I just think they don't know why they are where they are. I didn't talk to one person, in line or inside, who even had a clue as to who Andrew W.K. even was. I have a feeling this happens often, these people just go to shows because that's the scene, that's what you are "supposed" to do in the "live music capital of the world". Either way, it worked out in our favor as we were easily capable of securing a front row spot.. right in front of the stairs. Let's just say, I got a hug from Andrew himself and it was well worth going!

.Fix My Head.

Lately I've been greeted in the morning with an absolute splitting headache! I guess it would be categorized officially as a migraine. It gets so bad I don't even want to breathe! I just lay there with a bag of ice at the back of my neck trying not to puke from the pain. The only fix is caffeine. Which is great except the overdosing on coffee leads straight to anxiety town. What a disaster I am! Trading one demon for another. They only last about 2 hrs though..which is not so bad in the scheme of things.
Today has been a good one so far, I started out with coffee and Fargo and now I'm having lunch with a sandwich and The Big Lebowski. It's beautiful outside and I couldn't ask for a better headache free afternoon! Work is also going really well and that is such a weight off my shoulders! Austin is looking up and looking great!

.Missing Family.

Beautiful Mom!





Summer time bbq's


Sweetest little sister!


Absolutely missing my family so much! I can't wait until the holidays when I can finally go home and see all their smiling faces!

.Fall!.

Today was beautiful! Austin finally realized it was fall and decided to join the rest of the northern hemisphere. I was able to wear a cardigan..out of necessity! I used to be all about hot weather, but recently I have wanted fall crispness. Still no snow please, though!
I've felt an overall feeling of settling lately. I am finally comfortable in my surroundings and really starting to enjoy this new town of mine. I've discovered new places, food and friends! A newly opened bar, Gypsy has become a new favorite! They feature a delicious bourbon and coke slushy that I just can't get enough of! Especially when they add a little shot of grenadine...heaven...just heaven! Work has also been on the up and up. My only complaint would be how tempting everything in and expected to arrive in the store is! Fur collared jackets, over the knee boots and plaid dresses are calling my name! It takes a lot of self control to walk out empty handed, it ain't easy.
Another day brightener is the onset of the holidays! Halloween is already in the stores and I am stocking up on decorations and little prizes for trick or treaters. I don't know if I'll dress myself this year, but I love love love to see all the little ones decked out and rampaging! Simply can't wait!

.Desperate Need of a New Camera.

These horribly pix-elated photos are a sad sight to behold and definitely do not do justice to this dress! But, here they are regardless!

Dress/Vest: Anthropologie
Headband: F21

.Thank you Danielle!!.

Thanks to the greatest gal, I have a blog button! If any of you are willing I would love it if we could trade blog decor! look, look there it is over here ----------------------------------------->

Let me know and I will add yours back! xoxoxox

.Torn in two.

All these changes and so little time! I am loving it and it's loving me. I am absolutely pulled in so many different ways, shapes and forms and I'm feeling the stretch. Some people get what they want or need so quickly, life dotes on them and I don't envy that. I work, strive and my victories are that much sweeter. I have learned so much about myself these last two months and sometimes I am weak, but most of the time I'm not. Sometimes I give in and I cry and eat cake...and it's ok because the next day comes. A new day is always a new day. I sound like a self-help book for the perpetually negative! It's all true though and it's something I'm trying to live every day! If there is one very important thing I have learned over the last couple of years it's that, you can't find happiness in someone or something. You have to look a lot closer to home than that.

.Missing You.

I miss my close friends back in Prescott more than anything right now! They are both going through so many precious changes that I wish with all my heart I could be there for. I cannot wait until Christmas time when we will all be together for girl time and it will be long overdue, as well as much needed! Love you girls xoxoxox!


Photos courtesy of Mrs. Hampton!

.Death Before Decaf.

Me without caffeine,
Is not to be seen,
Me without coffee,
Is nothing but sloppy,
Me without the sacred bean,
Is like a smoker minus the nicotine,
Me without you,
Is like Jesus without the Jew.

Photo: We Heart it.

.No One.

There has got to be more to life than wondering if there has got to be more to life. I need to find something. I know that I've been looking for it for a very long time, but I just can't seem to narrow down what it is. I have moved, shifted and changed according to a whim or a mood. I find no shame in leaving and/or running (depending on how you look at it). If I don't like the flow, I change it. If I don't see something worthwhile, I leave it. But, maybe therein lies the problem. Maybe, there is no problem. Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I should just get on board and stick around for the long haul. Maybe, it's all right here, in front of me. Maybe it's not. I don't know what "it" is, but I do know what "it" isn't. My options are narrow and are becoming fewer as the years carry on. 6 years. That's a long time and a lot of time. Those were my growing up years, my finding myself years and quite possibly my worst years. Where has my head been. I don't dare to even ask where my heart was. There is no answer to the things we do and act out. I disheveled my life, picked up and moved, restarted and yet stuck around with the one thing that I should never have. Again, where was my head? Why am I going over all of this all over again. It's dead. We buried it. I should leave it where it lies. There is no going back this time and no matter where my head or heart thinks they are...they're coming with this time. We're leaving.

.Starting Over.

I am picking myself up by my doc laces and getting through this.
Tough times for a tough gal!

.Everyday is a Better Day.

I was feeling pretty down and negative for a little while. Some really important things to me fell through and with me being a little wary of the idea of destiny, my first reaction is not always "whatever happens, happens for a reason". I do have faith in life, however, and I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around and eventually life will reward you for persevering though the tough parts. In other words, I know that my time will come and things will eventually work out positively. A few set backs are frustrating, but I will be a better person for it.
With every thing falling through I have had a lot of extra time to myself and me being me...I have spent a lot of it thinking, thinking, thinking. This year has been something else and I can hardly believe all the changes I've experienced so far! New places, faces and experiences!
One experience I haven't missed...going out to dinner with a guy I don't know..UGH. Alright, alright it turned out ok...I made a friend! I'm not entirely sure that he's aware he is in the friend category....but that's where he is staying! I'm not an easy gal to take out, or convince that you belong anywhere but in the friend section of my life. It may sound closed minded, or ridiculous to some, but within 2 hours of meeting a guy I can already tell....really. I'm pretty picky. I won't apologize for it either...it is what it is!
Today is a new day and I am on a mission to fix a few things. I will end this day with at least one stress causing situation off my shoulders. I just have to remain positive, trust myself and life, things will happen!

.Everyone I Know is Looking for Love.

Whether you've had it once or never had it at all it seems that everyone is looking for the "one". The other night I was sitting with three other women and the first thing to be discussed in regards to finding someone was the "type". Could it really be love if you're not into someone who is blond, short or unattractive...or is that what love is? Is it really destiny or a chemical rush when we see someone who might help make pretty babies? Maybe it's a healthy compromise of both?
Clearly, I'm not sure about the whole thing. I am clear about the love I feel for family and friends, but everything else seems so...dangerous, unsure and risky. I am no stranger to going out on a limb, but I usually leave my heart safely behind until I am sure of my footing. I have been pretending for so long and I am not a "normal" girl who wants "normal" life things marriage, babies and true love, but here I am coming out of the dungeon...I want, I want, I want. I am uncomfortable with the idea of a biological clock, but something is ticking, I think I'll go with my biological bomb! One of the other important ticking sounds I'm hearing is my career...this may actually trump the love tick....a girl can only change so much!


Photo credit: Tumblr

.Currently.

Sitting outside at my pool in Austin, Texas! It is really weird to finally be here after so much planning and waiting, but here I am and it is HOT. People here live inside or in some body of water for good reason! Being outside turns you into a melting mess of a person. I have spent most of my time so far registering my car and other life sort of things, but I have done some exploring! Barton Springs is so wonderful and it's strange to think something that looks like just a pool came up from the ground! After wards Chelsea and I savored some Lone Star beers and a Shangrita at Shangri-la. Each guy we happened to stand next to offered to buy us drinks or tell us some sort of story, they all seem to be under the impression that they are "southern gentlemen"...I will not complain. The one thing that will take some time to get used to is the freeway exits here. There are no numbers and barely any warning....just green signs that say "exit" with a silly little arrow, I cross my fingers each time I exit hoping I had chose wisely. It's all educated guessing while navigating here. Folks who have lived here for 10 or more years are still using their iphones to figure out where to go, not comforting! Other than that I like it here so far, I have a lot more exploring to do and I can't wait to see what else the Lone Star state has to offer!

.Home Sweet Home.

Back home in my small town and I finally am able to find some time to slow down and write. Things have been moving along slowly, but surely. I have found a one bedroom apartment in south Austin and I can't wait to decorate and have a place all to myself. It will be an Anthropologie home for sure, I have already started a nice kitchen collection as well as bedding. Well on my way! I can't wait to explore my new city and most of all to be back in a CITY! I may have been raised small town, but I was born to be in the bright lights and fast pace. I do love to visit the "country" though, and today was nothing but perfect! I got to spend some quality time with the lovely Danielle Hampton and soon to be baby Henry Clarence! We had a great brunch, smoothie and conversation filled afternoon and it really was wonderful to see her. Tonight I will be having coffee with one of the best guys in the whole world and later cocktails with my dearest Adria! Nothing but blue skies, warm weather and great people, I can't complain!
I am truly happier these past two months and I owe that all to a positive outlook and kicking out people I don't need who bring nothing but negativity to my life. As I have grown up I have realized that people more often than not will not change, and that's difficult but sometimes you just have to go your own way. There is nothing wrong with letting go and moving on to beautiful and positive things, you will thank yourself for it!
Hello, new life! I have been waiting!

.Prescott.

In four days! I will update then, I swear!

.I like my money where I can see it, in my closet.

New shoes! Jeffrey Campbell "Charli-C"- Villains Shoes, SF
Slouchy pocket-tee- Anthopologie
Bamboo scarf- Anthropologie
Old lady flower shorts- Urban Outfitters

.Summer Lovin'.

I ended up just staying in town, no San Francisco for me. It was the responsible choice to make, that's for sure. This summer, so far, has been all about blasting Cab Calloway, Bob Dylan and Tom Waits, cooking delicious meals and spending time with my little hound dog! Poor Lily definitely does not get out as much when I am in test mode with finals and amidst paper writing, so I have been spoiling her each day with a little trip to the beach!
I feel as if this year is flying by way too fast, moving is looming and life is changing again. People come and go, I've mentioned my acknowledgment of this fact numerous times, but for some reason it always comes as a shock. I constantly think the best of people and place a lot of faith that they really just want to do what's right and follow through on their word, but I always seem disappointed. Most recently a close friend really drained me of all my emotions, forced to me talk everything out and broke me down, completely broke me down. Through all of that I was under the impression that it was all for something, a better friendship. Now, I just feel broken, he hasn't been there for the follow up process of rebuilding, and I have no idea why I am surprised. I always complain about his inconsistencies, but really he is the most consistent person I know....consistently inconsistent. If there is one thing about him I can count on, it is that I can't count on him. I always hope for fair weather because I know that if it gets a little cloudy and looks like rain, he won't be there. I can't keep hoping for fair weather friends. Oddly enough, I feel in pieces after pouring myself out like that, but I am not angry, maybe a little sad, but not angry. I can't be angry with anyone but myself in this case, I do this, I choose this and I let it happen. I go out of my way for people that really just need to be let go of. I've been writing on the same page of my life for too many years, it's time to really, truly turn the page.

.To Go or Not to Go.

Should I be a responsible gal and stay here this weekend and study for my finals, or for once live on the edge and drive up to San Francisco? My overly organized, logical and planner side of my brain is working overtime to get me to stay right where I am, in the library...my home away from home. On the other hand, my let it go and enjoy yourself half is very tired of being stuck in here. Conundrum.
School is seriously my top priority it's what I eat, breathe and sleep every day! I worry and worry with every project and paper I turn in, it's disgusting. It does tend to pay off in the end, the two papers I have had returned to me were both A's! Yay me...pat myself on the back! Of course I am still beating myself up and worrying to death about the third one that I should receive tomorrow.
Texas State does not have a transfer requirements list at all, which already makes me uncomfortable, and I feel as though they may base a lot of emphasis for acceptance on GPA. This little tid-bit is ruining my sleep. I am not a 4.0 student, I can admit that. I am not one of those people that is just fantastic at everything I do...I have to work my ass off for everything I have. Granted my GPA is still commendable, but it's NEVER enough for me! Most recently with my A in Middle Eastern history, it wasn't a high enough A, so I was upset. Silly, I know. It really, really bothered me to the point of almost tears! "Not a high enough A"....get a grip! She even asked for a copy of my paper and I still wasn't excited, so hard on myself. Now I can be happy and accept it for what it is, but it took me a few days.
I cannot wait for this semester to be over, to start TSU and for my next life endeavor...learning Arabic!

.Try Again.

So, I definitely wrote a huge long entry yesterday and deleted it. I felt it was a little too personal. There are some things going on right now that are never easy. I have a very sick Grandpa who really means the world to me. I'm pretty awful when it comes to dealing with emotions, in fact I just don't deal with them at all. I may cry or get upset, but I put it away. That's how I describe it, I literally just put it somewhere else. I have been told and know that it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but I know no other way. I don't see what's healthy about spending an extended amount of time being upset. The best I can do when it comes to talking about anything comes with a very important disclosure that goes something like this, "I want to talk to you about something, but you have to promise never to bring it up again". I mean it too! Once I'm done with...I am DONE with it. Other than sad stuff, school is almost done and I can't wait. I just turned in the last paper I had to write for the semester and I feel like a whole new person! Now I feel as if I can focus on what's next, Austin! My good friend Chelsea just signed her lease in Texas and I am just so excited thinking about her and I living in the same place again, a NEW place. I know I felt as if I was getting away from everything by moving down here, and I really did...but it was just a little too away. I've met some fun people in Santa Barbara, no doubt about that, but unfortunately I just haven't met someone that I click with. I am one of those people where if nothing is holding me somewhere, I just leave. It took me a really long time to pack up and say good-bye to San Francisco and it was a hard thing to do. That is most certainly not the case with SB, GOOD BYE!
Speaking of San Francisco, I will be visiting my old stomping ground May 14-16th, just in time for bay to breakers! BBQ's, lots of beer and really great people that I have truly missed, just what I need! This will be mine and Chelsea's last time hanging out in SF together before moving and I am telling myself right now that I WILL talk photos.