So, I definitely wrote a huge long entry yesterday and deleted it. I felt it was a little too personal. There are some things going on right now that are never easy. I have a very sick Grandpa who really means the world to me. I'm pretty awful when it comes to dealing with emotions, in fact I just don't deal with them at all. I may cry or get upset, but I put it away. That's how I describe it, I literally just put it somewhere else. I have been told and know that it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but I know no other way. I don't see what's healthy about spending an extended amount of time being upset. The best I can do when it comes to talking about anything comes with a very important disclosure that goes something like this, "I want to talk to you about something, but you have to promise never to bring it up again". I mean it too! Once I'm done with...I am DONE with it. Other than sad stuff, school is almost done and I can't wait. I just turned in the last paper I had to write for the semester and I feel like a whole new person! Now I feel as if I can focus on what's next, Austin! My good friend Chelsea just signed her lease in Texas and I am just so excited thinking about her and I living in the same place again, a NEW place. I know I felt as if I was getting away from everything by moving down here, and I really did...but it was just a little too away. I've met some fun people in Santa Barbara, no doubt about that, but unfortunately I just haven't met someone that I click with. I am one of those people where if nothing is holding me somewhere, I just leave. It took me a really long time to pack up and say good-bye to San Francisco and it was a hard thing to do. That is most certainly not the case with SB, GOOD BYE!
Speaking of San Francisco, I will be visiting my old stomping ground May 14-16th, just in time for bay to breakers! BBQ's, lots of beer and really great people that I have truly missed, just what I need! This will be mine and Chelsea's last time hanging out in SF together before moving and I am telling myself right now that I WILL talk photos.
I think we're very similar when it comes to displaying emotions properly. I hardly display them at all because I've always felt they are a sign of weakness. As lame as that is it's totally true. But it's the only way I can really get through things and help other get through things as well. By being strong. I really hope things look up even if it's just the slightest.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I absolutely agree with you about supporting other people, I get through tough things by "being there" as oppose to actually dealing with it myself. It's nice to know I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeletei have problems dealing with emotions as well.i stuuf it away inside me so that i dont have to deal with it. when more and more things are put on top of i finaly burst.i get very angrey or sad and just end up being hospitilized becuase i have so much of a problem with it.i always try to be the one people can lean on but after so long i need to lean on others.its not the best thing to bottle up your emotions becuase it ends up with an explosion of them one day and all of it put together just makes it so hard that you dont know what to do.
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