I got the itch again, that get me out of here, I need to move itch. It happens more often then than not and causes me to spend a lot of time controlling the urge to pack up and never look back. I have no idea what I'm looking for, and I use that as my main argument against these nomadic urges. If you don't know what you're looking for, then why go look for it? Stay here and let it find you. That has yet to happen and my patience wears thin quickly, but I continue to wait. It never found me in San Francisco and Santa Barbara is shaping up to be the same story; where is " it"?
School definitely helps, it keeps me grounded and creates an obligation to an established life, but that backfires occasionally and makes the urge to leave even harder to handle. I feel that there are answers, but I can't define the questions.
I may not know where I'm going or why, but I do know what I hope for. I hope to never hurt like that ever again, and I wish every night at the same time that it's not slowly taking steps to recurring, my own personal nightmare. I do not want to perpetuate the cycle, I let it end, but it found it's way. Now, I do not know what I'm doing again.
This is silly, to worry so much about days to come, it is not in my control and to worry is so counter productive. But, I still will wish every night that this is different.