.until tomorrow.

.BUSY.

2012-01-30T19:31:00.001-06:00

Hello all! I cannot believe it's already almost February! Life really has taken a few turns and things have gotten super busy! Here is a short update on my week so far!

I had been eying this chair at my store here is Austin, crossing my fingers that it wouldn't sell until it had been marked down enough! Well, my positive thoughts were rewarded...I have a new desk chair!!

I also made a ridiculously good pizza.

This week, I have also started a nanny job that I am so very excited about! It'll be nice to take a bit of a break from retail a few days a week! Other then that it is business as usual....sleep, eat, school, work and study! Have a good week everyone!! <3

2012-01-01T19:26:00.003-06:00

    My vacation is officially over. I am sitting at the Phoenix airport ready to depart to Austin and reality. I am excited to see Lily, but so incredibly sad to say goodbye to the fam. Christmas, my birthday and New Years were all really great! I can't believe it's over, 2012 and that I am 25! CRAZY.
At the moment I don't exactly have a seat on the flight I am at the gate for, despite paying for it...how does that make sense? U.S Airways hasn't been that great. I am missing Southwest! Also, the Starbucks gal told me she couldn't use my Starbucks reusable cup due to, "sanitary reasons"....WHAT!? Isn't that why you buy the stupid thing? People are nutty....just real nutty sometimes.
   My mom and I went on a walk this afternoon and she brought up the difference from me in SF to me in Austin. I can feel it too, but it was still great to hear it from someone else. I have become so much more relaxed and less agitated....I am happier. I still get anxious and antsy...that won't ever go away I don't think, but I have an overall calm about me these days. I believe I can attribute that to a few BIG changes in my life..#1 being ....no more SF rat race. I love that city...I always will, but it can run you ragged and aid in a loss of what should "really" matter in life....just "being" and not "doing".

     I am so happy to be starting out this year on the right foot. Here is to 2012! Happy New Year! <3

.Cayman Islands.

2011-12-28T11:16:00.001-06:00

The week before Christmas my family and I traveled to the Cayman Islands for a much needed vacation! After much snorkeling, drinking of rum and beach time magazine reading we were all well rested and ready to face the holidays!

Enjoying some rum spiked juice before dinner!

Clear water and prepping for snorkeling!

Baby sister!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! <3

.Look Ma, I posted.

2011-12-21T17:33:00.000-06:00

I am finally sitting down in front of a computer long enough to write something other than a paper, but unfortunately I will not be posting a full entry. I do have a good reason for my laziness this time though, I am in the Cayman Islands for the next week and I have some relaxing island-y things to do!

However, I will be in Prescott soon enough and that's where I will be composing an update that is a bit more substantial! Until then, Happy Holidays, blog land! xoxoxox A. Joy

.Where did September go?!.

2011-10-11T21:50:00.002-05:00

    I absolutely cannot believe it is already almost the middle of October! School is half way done and it has been going really well! I couldn't be happier with test scores and whatnot (thus far!). I hope I can keep my momentum for the last half.
   I have had a few life hiccups recently...including, but not limited to my old apartment complex sending me to collections for an amount they tried to double rent! Long story short...I moved out before my 30 days were up (due to my new apartments instant availability) and I was continuing to pay a pro-rated amount to my old complex. Turns out my landlord had sneakily moved in new tenants and was trying to double dip, most certainly illegal and I caught it! He totally bent over backwards to make it seem as if it was just a simple mistake, that I owed them nothing more and he was so sorry for his confusion. Then 30 days later he turns around and sends me AND my parents (who co-signed) to collections for a bogus amount! BIG NO NO! He is such a monster and a complete chauvinist. He would not respond to any of my threats or phone calls. I unfortunately had to to turn the situation over to my dad,which he got immediately rectified. I was so frustrated and upset that this man thought since I was a single, young gal he could completely pull one over on me! Hopefully he will never do this to any young girl every again! Such a butthole!
   Here's hoping for a happy October! xoxoxoxo

.Lately.

2011-09-11T18:53:00.000-05:00

         Hello!! It has been a very, very busy September for me so far! School is amazing and work is....work. I am currently sitting at "my"table at the nearest Starbucks about to start some serious homeworking, but decided to take a time out for a little blog action. First off, I can't believe it's already been three weeks since school started! Time is in a serious hurry and I am NOT.
   This year has gone by too fast and it has been very up and down. Losing my grandma, school starting, and living in central Texas has been all new and difficult. Despite it all, I have really made it a point to try and be as positive as I can about what life has to offer. I think I've done an alright job, but it wasn't always easy (actually, "easy" is probably not the word I would ever choose to describe it). I think at this point I can finally start talking about the hardest thing, losing grandma, in a way that's healthy. Which, is a really big step for me. I may write about it on here at some point, but I don't know if I am quite there yet.
Last night I went out for the first time in 2 months with my bff from San Francisco and we spent the night reminiscing over the past. I haven't been back to the city in 2 years and THAT blows my mind. I spent my growing up years there and I wouldn't trade those memories for the world, but I am glad to have moved on with my life. Although slow, progress is progress.
    Sorry this is such a scattered little update, but it is pretty true to the state of mind I'm functioning now a days. Hopefully, I can settle in pretty soon!

xoxox.

.Living in the Dark.

2011-08-24T17:37:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone!!
It's been quite awhile with no update! I apologize, but the room mate wanted to see if any better deals came up with the internet providers in Austin. I think I am well over waiting on a deal though and will be getting rehooked up to the outside world this week!
On another note I am seated at my local Starbucks and I have just now finished 3 hrs of studying and homework for my Arabic course! CRAZY! Oddly enough, I find Arabic a lot easier then the Italian class I took a few semesters ago! Maybe it's a sign that my little brain is on board with what my heart thinks I need to be doing. The only thing that I was confused about was the different dialects. This particular course that I am taking teaches the Egyptian dialect and it barely translates to anything else, so interesting. I can't wait to share more with all of you! Have a wonderful rest of the week and weekend! <3
P.S I'll leave you with a video all about the Arabic alphabet...get into it.

.New Digs.

2011-07-31T12:00:00.001-05:00

Lily and I are movin' and shakin' and packin' and playin'! Posts may become fewer, but I will be back with photos and stories of our cross town jump! Have a wonderful week!

.I Could Live in French Films.

2011-07-29T00:30:00.002-05:00

   Thanks to Netflix's instant watch, I have become obsessed with drinking coffee while watching foreign films on my days off. This week I have been transfixed by all things French. One particular movie has really struck and stuck with me even after the credits rolled. The cinematography is out of this world and I love every little grainy detail, line delivery and angle that was chosen by director Christophe Honore.
La Belle Personne (The Beautiful Person) is about a 16 year old girl named Junie who switches schools mid year after the passing of her Mother. She quickly becomes the most desired girl in her class, but chooses the most quiet and least worldly of all her school mates, Otto Cleves. Despite her choice she meets and instantly falls in love with her Italian teacher, Nemours. Tragedy ensues.
I think what I loved most was the easy beauty of each and every character. They all wore under styled clothing, featured mops of bed head hair and what looked to be absolutely no make up whatsoever. It was a French fantasy land and I loved it!
   Maybe next week I'll move onto all things Italian!

Sources.

.Hello Sometimes Sweet Readers!

2011-07-28T14:24:00.001-05:00

Thank you all so much for stopping by!

If you haven't seen my tips for your first tattoo you can read it (here)! Thanks everyone! xoxoxoxoxo

.Summertime.

2011-07-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

Life is really starting to fall into place (knock on wood) and I am so grateful! I have found a new apartment, registered for classes and am pursuing a newness in my job! Everything is still a little up in the air, but I have an overall good feeling about it all! I used to fear change in my younger days, but as the days, months and years have marched on, I have too. Embracing change I feel has been one of my greatest 1/4 life achievements!
One of the most exciting things coming up is the apartment! It is really beautiful and I can't wait to decorate and DIY it to death! I have so many ideas and my Pinterest overfloweth with tutorial after tutorial on lamps, wall inspirations and color palettes. Most addicting site, ever. If you have one click here to add me. I'd love to see what inspires all of you! I am really pretty new to all of this decorating stuff. Living in San Francisco home wasn't really a "home" it was a place I slept. The city itself was my "home" and I spent most of my energies exploring and enjoying it. Santa Barbara was a whole different story. I decorated my personal space, but I trusted NO ONE with any of my home purchases..slobs. Now in Austin I have the chance to really get into it and I couldn't be more confused and excited.
With that said, if any of my readers have any inspirational sites or ideas leave me a link or email me your best ideas! Can't wait to hear from all of you!
xoxoxox

.Lessons From Lillian.

2011-07-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

Lily is a mere two years old (14 in dog years), but she has taught me so many things since I've known her. I rescued her about a year and half ago and she was not in the best of shape. She had some serious immune issues and was scared of just about anything and everything, but you'd never know that now! She has so much personality and wins everyone over with her crazy antics and over the top love. She keeps me totally grounded and gets me out of the house no matter what! I love her craziness so much I thought I'd share her and her approach in life here on until tomorrow, enjoy!

1. When someone is asking you to do something you may not exactly want/need to do...run around in insane circles until they laugh so hard it doesn't matter that you've officially blown them off.

2. If someone just stands there and stares at you with a certain level of fear..bark at them. Why not just finish off what they've clearly started?

3.Treats > meals.

4. You don't need to touch someone in order to wake them up. All you really have to do is get about 4 in. from their face and stare and stare and STARE. Power of the mind.

5. Whenever a loved one comes through the door get excited, howl, and dance in circles, because nothing is sweeter then being home with family.

Next week we tackle moving.

.Hot Child in the City.

2011-07-19T20:09:00.000-05:00

Photo source We Heart It

I have so many things that I need to be doing now that I am back in Austin. School, car stuff and moving are all weighing heavy on the ol' to do list. Despite this, I find myself absolutely dreading going outside to greet the Texas sun and consequently doing a whole lot of nothing. On my precious days off Lily and I just lay around listening to music, watching movies and napping until (like the famous bats of Congress) the sun goes down and we emerge to take a late night walk. My motivation has a temperature tolerance of approximately 88 degrees. Is it September, yet??

.Outfit Details from Feature Post.

2011-07-13T02:00:00.000-05:00

                                                                      Photos courtesy of the lovely Danielle Hampton
                     Dress: Anthropologie
   Shoes: Anthropologie

   I wore this outfit for our amazing ladies' night while I was back home in Prescott, AZ. I had the absolute best time and I will be compiling a post (that will most likely be split into two parts) to barrage all you lovelies out there with a montage of photos!
Have a wonderful day! xoxo

.Lashes and Bones Feature!.

2011-07-12T17:35:00.000-05:00

I am so very excited and feel so special to be featured on my friend Avalon's blog Lashes and Bones! She is such a creative spirit and her blog represents her so well! Enjoy!

.Today.

2011-07-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

Photo: Courtesy of the lovely Danielle Hampton!

Ouch. More on this to come.

.Who Let You Out of Your Tower?!.

2011-06-21T11:54:00.000-05:00

   I have a story that really isn't a first or new for me, but ultimately was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. I believe it was a Thursday night and all was as it should be good friends, good drinks and overall good times. The bar was closing and everyone started to head for the door. Everyone including yours truly. I was wearing a fun outfit which included a black skirt, not a take me home now skirt, but a I could meet your mom in this skirt, skirt. As I am walking I feel a rather uncomfortable sensation...someone or something has just grabbed my skirt/what's underneathe it. As I turn to find out what exactly was happening I see him/it/ew that has just committed this act, quasi-god damn it-modo.
    Everyone reading this has just thought, SO? This happens all the time. Unattractive men grab ass. I know this, but here is where my situation is extreme....this is ALL I ever get. Mildly attractive men will buy drinks or something for the group I'm with and most likely will end up talking with one of the other girls. While I will more then likely be groped or attacked by some monster who wants to know if I've had a threesome recently, if I'd like to or if I am feeling a sudden urge to give the "girls" a breath of fresh air. Or better yet if I know that I look just like Jennifer Love Hewitt and que a re-enactment of some box office flop that I've never seen. Why me, Quasi? Why me? I do in fact realize that Quasimodo had a good heart and was a victim, but ultimately Quasi was friend zoned and the girl got her knight. Why am I stuck in the ground hog day of Notre Dame? Someone put these men back in their tower. This girl has had enough.

.Busy Bein' Busy.

2011-03-25T16:41:00.000-05:00

    SXSW is over (has been over) and I had way too much fun! I had a great little gal friend who took it upon herself to RSVP me for all the hip kid parties and jesus she kept us busy! Free food, free drinks and free shows! The amazing guy she is seeing is in a band that played quite a few shows during the week and had some artists passes that also helped to get us into a tough one...Perez Hilton. Nerd. I know. I will say this though, they had a free photo booth and that right there had me sold! I will eventually upload our little photo strips, hopefully.
    The city was most definitely over run with hooligans, but I enjoyed running amongst them looking for the next free drink! I did end up paying the price for my actions and ended up sick for two days or so, but I can't complain too much. A little zinc, sleep and vitamin c and I was back no problem!
    This morning was also another local fun day full of hiking, swimming and grilling! Lily is still trying to recover from her crazy antics while out at the green belt today. She was one happy little pup! Although, I am a little out of shape (UGH) and definitely needed a nap straight away upon hitting home. Things are great here in Austin and I can't wait to discover even more!

Happy Friday!!

.Gettin' Excited.

2011-03-10T17:18:00.000-06:00

It's almost SXSW! So many plans for next week! Count down begins!!

.Anthropologie Uncovered.

2011-03-08T12:03:00.000-06:00

One area of Anthro's apparel that sometimes goes overlooked and is sometimes misunderstood is their Lounge wear. I may be a little partial to it seeing as how in my store I am the "specialist" and have free range to merchandise my little room of lovely items, but I really do get behind the product. I always get the question of, "can you wear this out, or is it meant for sleeping?". The way I try to explain it goes as follows: we call it lounge just because it is a little more unstructured and less detailed then the regular apparel in the store, the fabrics are softer and are mostly cotton, but are definitely meant to be worn out! Some are sheer and do need something layered underneath, but the store carries the most beautiful slips and I have made them a staple in my own wardrobe! My main reason for writing this is the upcoming weather and particularly in Austin, SXSW. These chemises are PERFECT for running around town, going to shows and keeping cool in this weather (the pricepoint doesn't hurt either!). Here are some of my favorite pieces right now!

This one I actually just purchased and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! I always get really wonderful compliments on it too, but it is pretty much sold out!

This little chemise is so sweet, but definitely needs something layered underneath!

I am so excited for this romper to hit stores! It will be perfect for SXSW and definitely a central Texas summer must have!

Happy lounge shopping!

.Life in Austin.

2011-02-27T10:27:00.000-06:00

I love this town. I love this town and I love this town. I have done a lot of outdoorsy type explorations lately, which is very outside my comfort zone , and I have really loved it. Lily and I have made friends with a gal and two schnauzers and the good times are never ending! We all have been going down to the green belt once a week and have truly enjoyed walking the trails and playing around in the aquifer fed pools! So fun!
All is well and good in Austin, but I do have one concern....South By Southwest. What are we getting ourselves into? Everyone at work has their time requested off and everyone who doesn't is just DREADING it all together. I had an idea that it would make the j-o-b a little t-o-u-g-h-e-r, but apparently I'm not seeing the "big picture"....and I'm nervous. As you may or may not know, I work at the Anthropologie here in downtown Austin and it's a big one. We tend to get a ton of locals and repeat customers, which I like, but the impending onslaught of out of towners and newbies is worrisome! Maybe I should create fliers with my "Guide to Retail" from back in November? Oh well it's only a week, right?
One celebration I am excited about is Texas Independence Day. How great is that day going to be? Being a Texan is a way of life and once you go Texan you can't go back. I can't imagine what an entire day set aside to celebrating that choice is going to be like! I'm sure it will boil down to the two big "B's"..... beer and bbq, but regardless there ain't nothin' wrong with that ya'll! Next paycheck I am buying a camera, so be prepared for an onslaught of photos from the Lone Star state!

.Music for a Slow and Cloudy Day.

2011-02-16T18:07:00.000-06:00

Image "We heart it"

Here's a little sad, a little happy, a little gloomy, a little light and a lot of hope. Happy listening! <3

.More Favorite Things.

2011-02-10T12:37:00.000-06:00

The best gifts come from Mom packages.

. I Got All These Ideas and All This Procrastination Stuff.

2011-01-30T18:19:00.000-06:00

I've had all these ideas for posts and features, but of course I have not started working on a single one! Major bummer, get it together and you're that busy kind of wake up call needs to happen here pretty soon. I will be sending out some e-mails for the feature THIS WEEK and I hope to get it all started as soon as possible. I might also do some Anthropologie purchase posts as well. I finally have a pretty commendable dress collection that I may just have to show off a bit! I'm also currently finishing up my home DIY project and that will have to be shared as well. Lots of blogland to attend to! Stay tuned! xoxoxo

.Found My Red.

2011-01-26T18:56:00.000-06:00

Today I found my signature red.It's a little deeper and more matte in person than in the photo, but you get the idea. I tried this particular version from Makeup Forever today on a whim and BOOM it happened when I wasn't even looking for it! True love.

. Home Projects!.

2011-01-20T13:38:00.000-06:00

As I mentioned in my last post, I have decided that 2011 is going to be all about home projects and some serious decorating madness! I've always been a clothes horse and therefore have funneled most of my hard earned funds directly into my closet, but the old ways are dead and now it's all about furniture and DIY refurbishing!
Yesterday began step one, IKEA! I went determined to find a bed and ended up still falling asleep on this damned air mattress, but I did walk away loaded with great pieces that will keep me busy and inspired. Although I am seriously enjoying this new adventure I will say that Until Tomorrow will not become a design blog, there are enough of those, this is just a fun new side note! I do plan on it becoming a weekly side note with a planned feature that I will be starting soon, soon and sooner.
Until then here are my most recent projects!

One of my favorite parts of Ikea is the "as is" section where there can be trash and treasures all lined up (and put together saving you from obnoxious building directions) that are just waiting for some DIY lovin'. This set of drawers that I plan to use as a night stand was an amazing $10 steal that I am about start redoing!

I also have recently, through some serious Craigs List scouring, found a fun couch that was in desperate need of an update! This picture is awful, I took it with my cell phone and it's the last remaining pic before I started taking things off (note to self...TAKE PHOTOS).

First step: remove weird sofa skirt thing...and TADA magically a smidge more modern and a whole lot less country cathy's comfy couch!

Next...PILLOWS!

.Back Home and a Possible Feature!.

2011-01-09T18:07:00.000-06:00

WEHEARTIT
Back in Austin and enjoying a day off from work! It was good to be back and working, seeing all my lovely girls and restarting my routine. I am still feeling a little sad about leaving family and lifelong friends back in Prescott. This last trip was so relaxing and much needed. I was absolutely dreading the drive back to Austin ( I did it alone) and realized through that experience that there is a pretty good chance that I watch far too many crime shows. I played pretty irrational abduction scenes through my head at each and every stop. I made it though without a single creepy experience, phew!
On another note I cannot believe how fast the years are going. As soon as I turned 18 my life hit fast forward somehow and all I want is a pause button! I try to enjoy each day on it's own, but I can't help to dwell on what is going to happen in the future from time to time. I really am excited, especially this year, to see what my life will end up being. All I can hope for is happiness, but of course there are those other life goals that I am determined to obtain/accomplish. This I believe is my year to do finally start having some of these dreams come true.
So many things need to change this year and one has to be where I invest my hard earned funds....NO MORE CLOTHES. I need to start buying home things furniture, decorating and the like. I have on boarded a couple of Austin "experts" to help me with estate sale-ing and all those other goldmines I have heard occur in this city. I work with a lot of creative interior decorators at work and I need alllllllll the help they can offer! I believe most of it is just a readjustment in thinking. I have no issues with the fact that a dress at Anthro retails for $168 and is worth it, but I refuse to spend more than $100 on a dinette set? WHAT?! Again. it's just going to take a little adjustment of priority! I am considering doing a feature on blogger's favorite spaces to jump start my (and other readers) home creativity! We will see!

.Two Posts in One Day.

2011-01-01T15:20:00.000-06:00

Just had to share this amazing birthday present from Jess! It's a 5 year journal that asks the same question for a particular day and I just started it right NOW. Of course it's from Anthropologie and I love it. I really can't wait to look back each year and see how my answers vary! Thanks, Jess!

Farewell 2010 and hello to 2011!.

2011-01-01T11:55:00.000-06:00

I spent last night ringing in the New Year so very different than I ever have before! My Mom has always told me that however you are when the clock strikes 12 is how you will be all year (sort of a don't make that face or it'll stick thing). I have never truly believed in it all until 2008...long story, but it stuck with me. So, last night I was sober, surrounded by family and laughing through a game of Pictionary. It may not sound like much, but I was happy. Truly just happy. I fixed a fight with a long term friend just in the nick of time and I was content. I really hope that this year reflects just that!
In the spirit of happiness and contentment I have made the resolution to take out all the negativity and selfishness from my life, both in my self and those around me. I know it's going to be a growing year, a different year and hopefully my year! I can feel that things are really changing and I can't wait to meet all the new a wonderful things that 2011 has to offer. It's going to be a good one!

CRAZY 3 ft icicle from the side of our house made for a fun picture op!

Have a wonderful year!

.Thursday!.

2010-12-30T11:59:00.000-06:00

Today is yet another of my relaxing family days that I can never get enough of! We are all seated in our favorite places clicking away at the computers or in my sister's case putting together yet another puzzle. The only difference today is that we are officially snowed in! The city hasn't even really bothered to snow plow the roads and I for one am a-ok with it. I have never liked driving in snow. If by chance while I was in high school I woke up to a white morning I refused to leave the house. I considered it safer just to stay home and watch Oprah.

This trip to Prescott has been amazing! It has been solely about family and close friends. No parties, no drunkeness, and definitely no hangover regretfulness. I prefer it this way. I have become a glass of wine type of girl and I think it's all for the best. I hate self induced headaches and being bombarded with all the "crazy stuff you did/said" last night texts. Gross. Even in Austin I really don't drink at all, because you always have to drive (or at least I do) and I refuse to drive with more than two drinks coursing through. Never more than a healthy buzz for this gal!

Speaking of Austin, I really feel a bittersweet pull towards my new home. For the first time in a long, long time I really feel that I have found somewhere I can stay for a long period of time. I have been really lucky to meet a couple really great girls and that reallly makes all the difference. I have my job to thank for that and honestly I look forward to going back and seeing all the new stuff I've missed out on!

BUT, no rushing home for me. I want to enjoy and soak up every minute in my sweet little hometown!

Happy Thursday! <3

.Birthday.

2010-12-28T00:31:00.000-06:00

Today was not exactly what I had expected due to an unexpected hospital visit. There was no cake, no celebration and definitely not even a dinner. It could have been one of the worst birthdays, BUT I was lucky enough to spend the last little bit of the day with baby Henry and his lovely mama. They really saved my day and I couldn't be more grateful.
Things have been pretty tough lately with family issues and friend issues weighing me down, down, down. I have tried to stay really positive, but sometimes I just give in and admit that what I am going through is indeed tough and it's ok to cry about it. Losing people is never fun especially when it's family and friends whom you've trusted for ten years. Every now and then I wish I could go back in time, not to change anything no no, but just to relive it. I wish I could go back and have my grandma rub my arm and read me a story all over again. I wish I could hear her laugh and whistle her way through whatever mundane task was at hand. I sure am going to miss her.

.New Friend to Follow!.

2010-12-14T09:13:00.000-06:00

I realize that it's not "Follow Friday", but I rarely adhere to such internet guidelines so here is my Follow Tuesday!
This lovely little gal is my new close friend and fellow Anthropologie employee in Austin, Jess! She's a real great lady who is at one of those pivotal points in her life! I'm sure you'll love her as much as I do, I mean who doesn't love a witty, married, tattooed, dog loving little lady?! Her blog is just getting off the ground but I can see great things! CLICK HERE to read her very first entry!

.Another Favorite Thing.

2010-12-09T12:34:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite "day off rituals" is drinking fresh coffee out of my ever growing collection of beautiful mugs via Anthro. One of the perks of that job is being able to slowly surround myself with lovely things!

Happy Thursday! <3

.Stuck in Traffic Playlist.

2010-12-01T19:57:00.001-06:00

My work schedule is normally 8 a.m-5 p.m. This basically means I hit peak traffic times to and from work each and everyday, and nothing gets me through it like a good play list!

.Finally It's Fall.

2010-11-30T15:57:00.001-06:00

Time for cold weather and warm beverages. <3

.Your Guide to Retail.

2010-11-28T12:14:00.001-06:00

I have worked retail, in the area of apparel for many years. I have seen it all, heard it all and handled it all. Maybe I have done it for too long at this point, but I can't take the customer complaints anymore. Due to the time of year and influx of shoppers and impatience I have prepared a bit of a guide to help smooth the process. For those who have never worked for a corporate company I will answer the questions that are often somehow clouded in misconception. While in the store itself you are enjoying the most basic level of the company, the final culmination of many, many policies, procedures and decisions made by those you CANNOT SEE or TALK TO. The people (poor innocent people) you see smiling at you and greeting you are doing what they are told and the product you see has not been chosen by ANY OF THEM. We little peon workers do not decide a.) the return policy b.) the price of the clothing c.) what product and sizing are available. If you have made the choice to risk not buying something in the store until it goes on sale that is YOUR RISK. If it is no longer available we do not have the capability to magically have it appear or hire low waged workers to sew it for you in the back. I know...it's not ideal. Also, if you are making a LARGE and COMPLEX return, exchange, purchase, and/or have the desire to take your anger out on someone and have very little time on your hands...yelling and/or drumming your fingers on the counter cannot and will not speed up the time it takes to go through the process. Come back when you feel more relaxed and have more time. This also may come as a surprise, but most likely you are not the only person in the world who is shopping at that point in time and most likely you are not the only person who needs something...awkwardly enough the ratio of customer to sales associate is generally not equal, breathe deeply and stay calm. Until you have reached the counter and have paid with your choice of method, the clothing does not belong to you...taking it into the fitting room is a courtesy provided by the retailer and crumpling it up and throwing it on the floor is weird, rude and should embarrass you. It also does not help with the latter issue of inspiring happiness and willingness in those working to get you what you need. Lastly and most importantly, you are buying clothing not changing/saving the world, it is not life or death...if all your wildest dreams do not come true life will indeed go on. Please, do not ruin the day of the poor soul who has done nothing to personally wrong you, is underpaid and has probably done everything they can to find you that damned $39.95 top that you have waited and waited for to be marked down. Thank you for reading this PSA and happy shopping to all!

.Hello and Welcome!

2010-11-24T10:00:00.000-06:00

I have just reached 100 followers and I wanted to welcome each and every one of you into my little corner of the internet! I appreciate you reading and I hope to start taking this little blog of mine a little more seriously!

Thanks for following and welcome!

.Two Great Loves.

2010-11-19T11:17:00.000-06:00

If I am ever down and out, feeling off my game and/or just plain bummed out there is always a cure! Something that picks me up and takes me away from reality for a few minutes. Bob Dylan. The man and the music. He began making music many decades ago and it still translates today. I can understand that people may not enjoy his actual singing voice, but when folks tell me they "don't like Bob Dylan" I can not continue to talk to them. I honestly do not understand what that means. His music is universal and his writing is/was groundbreaking. To go even further I have "A Hard Rains Gonna Fall" tattooed on my thigh! Any conversation that turns negative should just not be had with me! I have read every book he's written, watched every documentary and listened to every artist that influenced him that he has mentioned.I love it all! Lately I've been feeling just a little off and my home, car and Ipod have been playing me some Dylan on repeat, so I thought I'd share it here!

Some of my all time favorite Dylan songs (very, very edited down I could go on FOREVER).

.The Stories I Could Tell.

2010-11-10T18:58:00.000-06:00

Weheartit.com

The stories I could tell, the disappointments I've experienced and the distance I have run in hopes of never feeling that again are weighing down on me. He is right, I do deserve to "enjoy my life", but because he said it the words hurt my head. It wasn't fair and I didn't deserve any of it and in fact neither did she. Why us? Why her? Why this? WHY SO LONG? There are no answers and if offered them I probably wouldn't listen and/or it could never be enough. This should not even be written, because it should never be remembered. You said we all regret and I always laughed and said I regretted nothing, but now I do...I regret you.

.Banned from Real Life.

2010-10-29T11:21:00.001-05:00

I had the opportunity to see the original line up of the legends of Bad Brains come together and play at The Mohawk here in Austin. I was well aware that H.R was no longer that kind of front man, but to see him moving in slow mo and not speaking real words...woah. Drugs are bad. Real bad. It was comical watching him speak to his imaginary friend behind a speaker, while wearing his bullet proof vest. Their set went 2 punk then 2 reggae and back again. It was so funny to see the kids really unsure what to do after The Regulator stopped and "jah la la looooo oooolooo (??)" started. The band was there, though it was just H.R. who is now a puppet who blows kisses every 2 minutes that was hard to watch. Over all though, it was enjoyable and I can't complain that I had the opportunity to hear those legendary tunes played by the originals...live.

.Happy Days are Here Again.

2010-10-20T20:21:00.000-05:00

Everything has been going a little more my way..baby steps, but steps non the less. I tend to feel very up and down. I have very rarely in my life felt "content" and/or "happy" for extended periods of time. I have been trying my best to figure out why that is and to change it. It's been a bit of an uphill battle, seeing as how uprooting your life can make a process of finding contentment a little more out of reach. I am not even sure contentment is what I want, but I'd like to feel something like it. My tactics have been to really reach out and meet new people, exploring my new surroundings and trying new things. New, new and more new. It's all really working so far and I can feel myself letting go of the old, old and old. It's just taking time and all I got is time.

.Most Interesting Party in the World.

2010-10-15T21:09:00.000-05:00

Dos Equis, yes the beer, has been traveling around the world throwing parties with a fabulous front man! A co worker of mine and myself had the honor to be present at such a night with host Andrew W.K. A friend told me that Austin is a tough place to play because the populace is "jaded" from all the live music, really I just think they don't know why they are where they are. I didn't talk to one person, in line or inside, who even had a clue as to who Andrew W.K. even was. I have a feeling this happens often, these people just go to shows because that's the scene, that's what you are "supposed" to do in the "live music capital of the world". Either way, it worked out in our favor as we were easily capable of securing a front row spot.. right in front of the stairs. Let's just say, I got a hug from Andrew himself and it was well worth going!

.Fix My Head.

2010-10-05T13:45:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been greeted in the morning with an absolute splitting headache! I guess it would be categorized officially as a migraine. It gets so bad I don't even want to breathe! I just lay there with a bag of ice at the back of my neck trying not to puke from the pain. The only fix is caffeine. Which is great except the overdosing on coffee leads straight to anxiety town. What a disaster I am! Trading one demon for another. They only last about 2 hrs though..which is not so bad in the scheme of things.
Today has been a good one so far, I started out with coffee and Fargo and now I'm having lunch with a sandwich and The Big Lebowski. It's beautiful outside and I couldn't ask for a better headache free afternoon! Work is also going really well and that is such a weight off my shoulders! Austin is looking up and looking great!

.Missing Family.

2010-09-30T13:09:00.001-05:00

Beautiful Mom!

Summer time bbq's

Sweetest little sister!

Absolutely missing my family so much! I can't wait until the holidays when I can finally go home and see all their smiling faces!

.Fall!.

2010-09-27T19:41:00.000-05:00

Today was beautiful! Austin finally realized it was fall and decided to join the rest of the northern hemisphere. I was able to wear a cardigan..out of necessity! I used to be all about hot weather, but recently I have wanted fall crispness. Still no snow please, though!
I've felt an overall feeling of settling lately. I am finally comfortable in my surroundings and really starting to enjoy this new town of mine. I've discovered new places, food and friends! A newly opened bar, Gypsy has become a new favorite! They feature a delicious bourbon and coke slushy that I just can't get enough of! Especially when they add a little shot of grenadine...heaven...just heaven! Work has also been on the up and up. My only complaint would be how tempting everything in and expected to arrive in the store is! Fur collared jackets, over the knee boots and plaid dresses are calling my name! It takes a lot of self control to walk out empty handed, it ain't easy.
Another day brightener is the onset of the holidays! Halloween is already in the stores and I am stocking up on decorations and little prizes for trick or treaters. I don't know if I'll dress myself this year, but I love love love to see all the little ones decked out and rampaging! Simply can't wait!

.Desperate Need of a New Camera.

2010-09-22T13:53:00.000-05:00

These horribly pix-elated photos are a sad sight to behold and definitely do not do justice to this dress! But, here they are regardless!

Dress/Vest: Anthropologie
Headband: F21

.Thank you Danielle!!.

2010-09-21T16:02:00.001-05:00

Thanks to the greatest gal, I have a blog button! If any of you are willing I would love it if we could trade blog decor! look, look there it is over here ----------------------------------------->

Let me know and I will add yours back! xoxoxox

.Torn in two.

2010-09-17T14:43:00.000-05:00

All these changes and so little time! I am loving it and it's loving me. I am absolutely pulled in so many different ways, shapes and forms and I'm feeling the stretch. Some people get what they want or need so quickly, life dotes on them and I don't envy that. I work, strive and my victories are that much sweeter. I have learned so much about myself these last two months and sometimes I am weak, but most of the time I'm not. Sometimes I give in and I cry and eat cake...and it's ok because the next day comes. A new day is always a new day. I sound like a self-help book for the perpetually negative! It's all true though and it's something I'm trying to live every day! If there is one very important thing I have learned over the last couple of years it's that, you can't find happiness in someone or something. You have to look a lot closer to home than that.

.Missing You.

2010-09-14T23:08:00.000-05:00

I miss my close friends back in Prescott more than anything right now! They are both going through so many precious changes that I wish with all my heart I could be there for. I cannot wait until Christmas time when we will all be together for girl time and it will be long overdue, as well as much needed! Love you girls xoxoxox!

Photos courtesy of Mrs. Hampton!

.Death Before Decaf.

2010-09-11T14:03:00.001-05:00

Me without caffeine,
Is not to be seen,
Me without coffee,
Is nothing but sloppy,
Me without the sacred bean,
Is like a smoker minus the nicotine,
Me without you,
Is like Jesus without the Jew.

Photo: We Heart it.

.No One.

2010-09-09T23:23:00.000-05:00

There has got to be more to life than wondering if there has got to be more to life. I need to find something. I know that I've been looking for it for a very long time, but I just can't seem to narrow down what it is. I have moved, shifted and changed according to a whim or a mood. I find no shame in leaving and/or running (depending on how you look at it). If I don't like the flow, I change it. If I don't see something worthwhile, I leave it. But, maybe therein lies the problem. Maybe, there is no problem. Maybe, this is it. Maybe, I should just get on board and stick around for the long haul. Maybe, it's all right here, in front of me. Maybe it's not. I don't know what "it" is, but I do know what "it" isn't. My options are narrow and are becoming fewer as the years carry on. 6 years. That's a long time and a lot of time. Those were my growing up years, my finding myself years and quite possibly my worst years. Where has my head been. I don't dare to even ask where my heart was. There is no answer to the things we do and act out. I disheveled my life, picked up and moved, restarted and yet stuck around with the one thing that I should never have. Again, where was my head? Why am I going over all of this all over again. It's dead. We buried it. I should leave it where it lies. There is no going back this time and no matter where my head or heart thinks they are...they're coming with this time. We're leaving.

.Starting Over.

2010-08-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

I am picking myself up by my doc laces and getting through this.
Tough times for a tough gal!

.Everyday is a Better Day.

2010-08-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

I was feeling pretty down and negative for a little while. Some really important things to me fell through and with me being a little wary of the idea of destiny, my first reaction is not always "whatever happens, happens for a reason". I do have faith in life, however, and I am a firm believer that what goes around comes around and eventually life will reward you for persevering though the tough parts. In other words, I know that my time will come and things will eventually work out positively. A few set backs are frustrating, but I will be a better person for it.
With every thing falling through I have had a lot of extra time to myself and me being me...I have spent a lot of it thinking, thinking, thinking. This year has been something else and I can hardly believe all the changes I've experienced so far! New places, faces and experiences!
One experience I haven't missed...going out to dinner with a guy I don't know..UGH. Alright, alright it turned out ok...I made a friend! I'm not entirely sure that he's aware he is in the friend category....but that's where he is staying! I'm not an easy gal to take out, or convince that you belong anywhere but in the friend section of my life. It may sound closed minded, or ridiculous to some, but within 2 hours of meeting a guy I can already tell....really. I'm pretty picky. I won't apologize for it either...it is what it is!
Today is a new day and I am on a mission to fix a few things. I will end this day with at least one stress causing situation off my shoulders. I just have to remain positive, trust myself and life, things will happen!

.Everyone I Know is Looking for Love.

2010-08-13T11:55:00.000-05:00

Whether you've had it once or never had it at all it seems that everyone is looking for the "one". The other night I was sitting with three other women and the first thing to be discussed in regards to finding someone was the "type". Could it really be love if you're not into someone who is blond, short or unattractive...or is that what love is? Is it really destiny or a chemical rush when we see someone who might help make pretty babies? Maybe it's a healthy compromise of both?
Clearly, I'm not sure about the whole thing. I am clear about the love I feel for family and friends, but everything else seems so...dangerous, unsure and risky. I am no stranger to going out on a limb, but I usually leave my heart safely behind until I am sure of my footing. I have been pretending for so long and I am not a "normal" girl who wants "normal" life things marriage, babies and true love, but here I am coming out of the dungeon...I want, I want, I want. I am uncomfortable with the idea of a biological clock, but something is ticking, I think I'll go with my biological bomb! One of the other important ticking sounds I'm hearing is my career...this may actually trump the love tick....a girl can only change so much!

Photo credit: Tumblr

.Currently.

2010-08-03T15:10:00.001-05:00

Sitting outside at my pool in Austin, Texas! It is really weird to finally be here after so much planning and waiting, but here I am and it is HOT. People here live inside or in some body of water for good reason! Being outside turns you into a melting mess of a person. I have spent most of my time so far registering my car and other life sort of things, but I have done some exploring! Barton Springs is so wonderful and it's strange to think something that looks like just a pool came up from the ground! After wards Chelsea and I savored some Lone Star beers and a Shangrita at Shangri-la. Each guy we happened to stand next to offered to buy us drinks or tell us some sort of story, they all seem to be under the impression that they are "southern gentlemen"...I will not complain. The one thing that will take some time to get used to is the freeway exits here. There are no numbers and barely any warning....just green signs that say "exit" with a silly little arrow, I cross my fingers each time I exit hoping I had chose wisely. It's all educated guessing while navigating here. Folks who have lived here for 10 or more years are still using their iphones to figure out where to go, not comforting! Other than that I like it here so far, I have a lot more exploring to do and I can't wait to see what else the Lone Star state has to offer!

.Home Sweet Home.

2010-06-27T19:24:00.001-05:00

Back home in my small town and I finally am able to find some time to slow down and write. Things have been moving along slowly, but surely. I have found a one bedroom apartment in south Austin and I can't wait to decorate and have a place all to myself. It will be an Anthropologie home for sure, I have already started a nice kitchen collection as well as bedding. Well on my way! I can't wait to explore my new city and most of all to be back in a CITY! I may have been raised small town, but I was born to be in the bright lights and fast pace. I do love to visit the "country" though, and today was nothing but perfect! I got to spend some quality time with the lovely Danielle Hampton and soon to be baby Henry Clarence! We had a great brunch, smoothie and conversation filled afternoon and it really was wonderful to see her. Tonight I will be having coffee with one of the best guys in the whole world and later cocktails with my dearest Adria! Nothing but blue skies, warm weather and great people, I can't complain!
I am truly happier these past two months and I owe that all to a positive outlook and kicking out people I don't need who bring nothing but negativity to my life. As I have grown up I have realized that people more often than not will not change, and that's difficult but sometimes you just have to go your own way. There is nothing wrong with letting go and moving on to beautiful and positive things, you will thank yourself for it!
Hello, new life! I have been waiting!

.Prescott.

2010-06-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

In four days! I will update then, I swear!

.I like my money where I can see it, in my closet.

2010-05-27T18:03:00.001-05:00

New shoes! Jeffrey Campbell "Charli-C"- Villains Shoes, SF
Slouchy pocket-tee- Anthopologie
Bamboo scarf- Anthropologie
Old lady flower shorts- Urban Outfitters

.Summer Lovin'.

2010-05-24T17:32:00.000-05:00

I ended up just staying in town, no San Francisco for me. It was the responsible choice to make, that's for sure. This summer, so far, has been all about blasting Cab Calloway, Bob Dylan and Tom Waits, cooking delicious meals and spending time with my little hound dog! Poor Lily definitely does not get out as much when I am in test mode with finals and amidst paper writing, so I have been spoiling her each day with a little trip to the beach!
I feel as if this year is flying by way too fast, moving is looming and life is changing again. People come and go, I've mentioned my acknowledgment of this fact numerous times, but for some reason it always comes as a shock. I constantly think the best of people and place a lot of faith that they really just want to do what's right and follow through on their word, but I always seem disappointed. Most recently a close friend really drained me of all my emotions, forced to me talk everything out and broke me down, completely broke me down. Through all of that I was under the impression that it was all for something, a better friendship. Now, I just feel broken, he hasn't been there for the follow up process of rebuilding, and I have no idea why I am surprised. I always complain about his inconsistencies, but really he is the most consistent person I know....consistently inconsistent. If there is one thing about him I can count on, it is that I can't count on him. I always hope for fair weather because I know that if it gets a little cloudy and looks like rain, he won't be there. I can't keep hoping for fair weather friends. Oddly enough, I feel in pieces after pouring myself out like that, but I am not angry, maybe a little sad, but not angry. I can't be angry with anyone but myself in this case, I do this, I choose this and I let it happen. I go out of my way for people that really just need to be let go of. I've been writing on the same page of my life for too many years, it's time to really, truly turn the page.

.To Go or Not to Go.

2010-05-12T14:07:00.001-05:00

Should I be a responsible gal and stay here this weekend and study for my finals, or for once live on the edge and drive up to San Francisco? My overly organized, logical and planner side of my brain is working overtime to get me to stay right where I am, in the library...my home away from home. On the other hand, my let it go and enjoy yourself half is very tired of being stuck in here. Conundrum.
School is seriously my top priority it's what I eat, breathe and sleep every day! I worry and worry with every project and paper I turn in, it's disgusting. It does tend to pay off in the end, the two papers I have had returned to me were both A's! Yay me...pat myself on the back! Of course I am still beating myself up and worrying to death about the third one that I should receive tomorrow.
Texas State does not have a transfer requirements list at all, which already makes me uncomfortable, and I feel as though they may base a lot of emphasis for acceptance on GPA. This little tid-bit is ruining my sleep. I am not a 4.0 student, I can admit that. I am not one of those people that is just fantastic at everything I do...I have to work my ass off for everything I have. Granted my GPA is still commendable, but it's NEVER enough for me! Most recently with my A in Middle Eastern history, it wasn't a high enough A, so I was upset. Silly, I know. It really, really bothered me to the point of almost tears! "Not a high enough A"....get a grip! She even asked for a copy of my paper and I still wasn't excited, so hard on myself. Now I can be happy and accept it for what it is, but it took me a few days.
I cannot wait for this semester to be over, to start TSU and for my next life endeavor...learning Arabic!

.Try Again.

2010-05-05T20:28:00.000-05:00

So, I definitely wrote a huge long entry yesterday and deleted it. I felt it was a little too personal. There are some things going on right now that are never easy. I have a very sick Grandpa who really means the world to me. I'm pretty awful when it comes to dealing with emotions, in fact I just don't deal with them at all. I may cry or get upset, but I put it away. That's how I describe it, I literally just put it somewhere else. I have been told and know that it's not the healthiest thing in the world, but I know no other way. I don't see what's healthy about spending an extended amount of time being upset. The best I can do when it comes to talking about anything comes with a very important disclosure that goes something like this, "I want to talk to you about something, but you have to promise never to bring it up again". I mean it too! Once I'm done with...I am DONE with it. Other than sad stuff, school is almost done and I can't wait. I just turned in the last paper I had to write for the semester and I feel like a whole new person! Now I feel as if I can focus on what's next, Austin! My good friend Chelsea just signed her lease in Texas and I am just so excited thinking about her and I living in the same place again, a NEW place. I know I felt as if I was getting away from everything by moving down here, and I really did...but it was just a little too away. I've met some fun people in Santa Barbara, no doubt about that, but unfortunately I just haven't met someone that I click with. I am one of those people where if nothing is holding me somewhere, I just leave. It took me a really long time to pack up and say good-bye to San Francisco and it was a hard thing to do. That is most certainly not the case with SB, GOOD BYE!
Speaking of San Francisco, I will be visiting my old stomping ground May 14-16th, just in time for bay to breakers! BBQ's, lots of beer and really great people that I have truly missed, just what I need! This will be mine and Chelsea's last time hanging out in SF together before moving and I am telling myself right now that I WILL talk photos.

.Lazy.

2010-04-27T13:50:00.000-05:00

Life feels as if it may be leaving me behind. This fast pace and sudden changes are happening, and I'm just not keeping up. I procrastinate important projects and seem to be living in the past. This last week I've been reminiscing childhood and pretending I don't have any responsibilities ignoring bills, buying stuff I don't need and pretending I'm not moving. I really hope this laziness passes and I jump back into real life sometime soon. Even right this minute I am watching South Park and blogging instead of using my precious time to write at least one of the two 8 page papers I have barely started on...UGH. Where oh where could my motivation be?
Off to the French Press for a mocha motivation kick start!

I added a couple photos for proof of my lack of responsibility.

Shoes: Urban Outfitters...not sure about the color.

Top: Anthropologie...cost me $17.97, yay employee appreciation!

..Busy Bee..

2010-04-23T17:36:00.000-05:00

I have had such a productive morning/afternoon! I almost slept in but little Lily wasn't having it and I am so glad she got me up!

I have done so much laundry (including all my hand washed stuff!!), grocery shopped and cleaned! Now I am sitting here with an assortment of fruit, some jasmine green tea and a paper to write.

The book in the photo is a monograph on the small wars that America has fought over it's history, I really disliked it. It's also the subject for my paper and I'm absolutely arguing against the author's "lessons"...can't wait!

It's been a pretty quick week with a lot of stuff thrown into it. I recently came across some sound bites from cassettes that Tom Waits has been sending to Bob Dylan for his radio show, and I have to say the discovery has been my highlight of the month. I really enjoy clever men in their 70s apparently. Anyway, they're just clever little excerpts on subjects like birds, Jewish curses and prescription drugs...I can't get enough!
Something exciting, but a little ways away..! My good friend Erin asked me the other day if she could stay with me for Sound and Fury fest! I am SO excited to not only see her, but also that the venue is 4 minutes away from my home! I can't wait for that weekend and endless bike rides! Yay, for Santa Barbara and it's one fun thing to do!

Off to write, write and write!

Have a wonderful Day! xoxoxo

.If I'm Lost It's Not For Long.

2010-04-17T00:30:00.000-05:00

This last week has been a tough one, again. This time I refuse to let it carry on..I am done with my bad attitude! There are so many great things coming my way I refuse to let some possible bad ones take away my happiness.

My semester is coming to a close and I'm feeling pretty good about it all. I have 4 papers I need to write here in the next couple weeks, but I know I will get it done! I thought this semester would be a lot more difficult than it ended up being. The classes I thought would be most difficult ended up a breeze! Ask me to say that again during finals...won't happen...guaranteed!

I still need to work on my transfer to Texas, but I have a good feeling about it. Speaking of Texas, some of my stress and bad attitude is coming from this particular situation. I'll just start this out right... Hi, my name is Amber, and I am a planner. I like planning, I feel better when things are planned and I hate when people keep trying to change my plans. I've always wanted to be one of those people that just "goes with it", but it's so not me. I get anxiety and I can't sleep when I don't have a plan. It's sad...and scary I know. So, in knowing that I'm this way you would think I would surround myself with fellow planners. Not the case. The opposite happens more often than not and I am constantly anxious that someone is about to flake on me (p.s. I'm normally right). I realize that I need to let go a little and be flexible with plans. So, I generally am...but someone who consistently can't make up their mind really just push me over the edge.

In regards to Texas I have decided that no one matters. I can do this and I will do it, alone. I will make my plans and include only myself. I do this for my sanity in all honesty. I cannot continue on this weird path of disappointment in people. It's not healthy. Therefore, expectations are only for me. It's so much better this way!

Enough of my rant! Goodnight blogland xoxox!

.What Remains to be Seen.

2010-04-09T15:15:00.001-05:00

I've been going through a lot lately. I refuse to really talk about what's going on in my head with anyone really. I also will never post such things on a public forum such as this, but admitting to being stuck in my head reminds me to get out of it I suppose. That's mighty cryptic of me, I know. Life has really changed in the past two weeks and I am trying to adjust accordingly. I find this aspect difficult. I appreciate the newness, but I can't seem to adjust to it.

I feel as though a lot of important things/people are leaving. One way or another. That's enough of that. It brings tears to my eyes.

On a more positive note, Texas is slowly starting to sink in. I am moving...again. I will have lived in San Francisco, Prescott, Santa Barbara and now Austin all in the span of a year. I feel insane. Probably appear that way a little too...and here I am writing about having a hard time adjusting to change while I continually choose it.

I miss being a kid.

.End of an Era.

2010-04-01T13:52:00.001-05:00

That's me on one of the most fun days that I've ever spent with myself. I was left to my own devices in a town with a lot of weird memories and after several intense conversations. My remedy to clear my brain consisted of malt beer and dancing down the streets.

I learned a lot about myself over the weekend and finally began recognizing wonderful qualities in someone I can absolutely call a friend from now on. He removed the blindfold I had placed over my eyes many years ago and to finally see everything for what it really is was difficult, but necessary.
At the moment I am in my hometown visiting family and relaxing. Danielle will be over at 7 p.m to pick me up and we are on our way to Phoenix for my tattoo appointment tomorrow! First one and I am super excited about the whole thing. The appointment is coming at a pivotal point in my "growing up" process and I am so happy that it will commemorate this time for me. I still have a lot to learn and the meaning behind the tattoo is hopeful and contains a lot of elements that are important to me.
It's the end of an era and time to stop putting energy into what happened in times past and start looking forward.

<3 A.Joy

Burma Shave Poem #30356

2010-03-29T17:53:00.000-05:00

I came to this town

When nothing could get me down

I was met with a frown

and a sad story from a sad clown

All I could say was 3 days and I'm homeward bound.

Three days later and there's something I found

This is just what I needed and the dynamic is profound

It's not what I thought, it's so much more

Friendship and stories galore

Take the place of the common whore

Now towards friendship, I'll look for what's in store.

.Amber Joy is Grandpa Pants Central.

2010-03-02T01:37:00.000-06:00

As of recently I have decided that anything with a drop crotch is my new best friend. I am fully aware of this atrocity and exactly how unattractive these sorts of things tend to be. I also swear that if I ever am listed as anything but single I will hide them away forever, but as for now grandpa pants it is! I'm not entirely sure where my infatuation began or what made me gravitate towards the ultimate "dumpy butt", but the love affair is a torrid one. I love them until I turn around, basically.

This first one is in the dressing room at Urban Outfitters, this is love at first sight!

These bad boys are my actual "harem pants". I'm silly and crossing my legs here, so you can't really see the full extent of the bagginess. I love them!

I typically pair these pants with very plain shoes, but I am really looking forward to adding some heels into the mix!
On a complete side note, I'm watching The Science of Sleep and it only gets better with the number of times you watch it, exponentially! School is starting to speed up, I'm already facing midterms, papers and woah! My research on female suicide bombers is picking up and the material is truly amazing. The middle east is capturing my heart. I already told my mom that if someone offers me the chance to go to Iran, Pakistan or Afghanistan...I'm going.
Goodnight! xoxox

.Addiction.

2010-02-27T00:43:00.000-06:00

I'm sure everyone has a habit they can't break and I hear the first step is to admit the problem exists. So, here I go....I shop. I LOVE new clothing just seeing it all lined up for me by color or style so neatly I just can't help but touch and purchase all I see! It makes me happy, what can I say? To put myself into a little perspective I've decided to take a picture of some of the stuff I just "had to have" in the past week or so, this isn't even all of it! It's ridiculous, I am a poor college student and my weakness is clear! Working retail does not help at all (especially when that job is at Anthropologie eek!)

Alright so here it is, some of my recent purchases they are a mess from Forever 21, Anthrolologie, Urban and Sephora! I just had the try the "Living Proof: Full Thickening Cream" from Sephora, has anyone used it?

I have been searching for the "perfect" red-orange lipstick for spring and I really love this one. "It Girl"- Sephora.

Finally to close this peek into my addiction, this little number is from Urban. I just bought it today and now I can't wait for Spring time!!

Yay! Happy shopping, blogland!

.History Nerdoid.

2010-02-14T00:41:00.000-06:00

I am so tired and a little bit sick, but trying to stay "perky". I've been nyquiled out for awhile and watching fun movies... and let me say Wayne's World and Zoolander are really great with shot of the green goodness. The Nyquil has also given me the best nights sleep I've gotten since the new roomies moved in. We have a GIGANTIC (67 inches of HD blast your face off madness) hdtv in our home thanks to my other room mate and watching movies on that thing is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, but watching it with the volume way up at 3:45 am while your roommate (who has school in the morn) is trying desperately to sleep...not so amazing. I asked if there was some sort of compromise, but apparently that is "imposing" on her schedule and when she really "enjoys" her time at home. So, now I'm sick and chugging the other "green fairy"all so she can blast Interview with a Vampire to her heart's content. Oops, so much for perky.

Other than that life is trucking along, I'm applying to Texas State this week and I am super nervous about it. Eeek.

Alright, I can't see all that straight anymore. Goodnight!

.Brains.

2010-02-09T23:06:00.000-06:00

I've slacked a little (maybe a lot) in my upkeep of this here bog. School has started and I can not pull my head up out of my homework long enough to write something decent (worth reading) in my opinion. So, I will write a quick overview.

Classes are great...a ton of work, but ultimately really great. My history of the modern middle east course is phenomenal. We as Americans really just don't get it and the "information" we are handed just isn't cutting it. You have to go further, that civilization and the religion that dominates the social and political systems, deserves so much more attention and research. It will surprise you with the amount of misinformation you have been force fed by American ethnocentrism. For instance...did you know that the Qua ran, for it's time, was the most "woman friendly" established religious text? It gave women so many rights and standing in society that they had never had before....the extremism has to do with political regimes. Islam itself protects women.

Now, I'm not a religious person. I was raised very Christian, but I asked too many questions that couldn't be answered. I clearly have a bias...but, I think religions as well as its effect on people, politics and foreign policy to be some of the most interesting social institutions from ancient to modern times. The middle east is a testament to what religion can do...bring together and force apart in the most extreme sense of those two ramifications. So though I am definitely not a "believer" in the organized sense, there is just too much to learn from religion to ignore it completely.

As you are probably bored, I will finish up my tirade. The book you see me holding is a good start if you're at all interested, and all of this (as you can see) is really grabbing at me, maybe it will you too!

.Next Step in Life.

2010-01-30T12:41:00.001-06:00

So, my time in Santa Barbara will not be long. I have a hard time staying in one place that is overwhelmed by suburbia. Although I was born in a small town the city life is what keeps my heart beating. I am happiest where sirens never stop and the incessant yelling lulls me to sleep. Santa Barbara is too quiet, clean and dead. So, where to next? Well, there it is on the left, Austin, Texas. I am officially applying for transfer to Texas State University in San Marcos, yes...I will be commuting to school. I am willing to undergo this extra distance for the chance to live in a place that's a.) cheaper b.) not in California and finally c.) a city! I plan on visiting soon, but from what I heard Austin has a lot of the same "feeling" that San Francisco does...minus bad weather year round. For this...I am BEYOND excited. The only part about this that saddens me is the extra distance away from family and Danielle. Chelsea will be moving with me, but Danielle and I will be far apart. Give and take. You win some, and you lose some. She'll just have to visit us (hint, hint Mrs. Hampton)! Also, Adie lady is looking into Austin AND my really great guy friend, Scott. This could be a really, really great thing for all of us and I can't wait to share it with them! I will not be moving to the lone star state until August or so and this could be a little premature, but I am excited and wanted to share! Have a great weekend!

.New Recipe!.

2010-01-26T23:34:00.000-06:00

This little number is a must try and absolutely healthy, healthy and more healthy! Please forgive the camera strap, I am not the best photographer, but I figured you would get the picture (pun most definitely intended). Here's what you need:

1 Cup Quinoa

2 Shallots

Diced tomatoes (or roasted red peppers)

3 tbs RAW sliced almonds

A dash of olive oil

Parsley

2.5 Cups of veggie broth

Feta Cheese

Any salad mix you prefer ( I use fresh baby

spinach)

Balsamic vinaigrette

Salt, pepper to taste

Combine vegetable broth and quinoa into pan and bring to boil. Turn down heat and simmer COVERED for 10-15 min. Place quinoa mixture in the fridge for about 10 min or so to cool, combine rest of ingredients and place over salad mix. Then simply add the balsamic and voila! You have yourself a fresh, protein packed, animal free super salad! The mixture will also keep for a few days!

Other than cooking up a quinoa storm, school has started and I am off and running! I have such an intense reading schedule! One thing I am soooo excited about is my "history of the modern middle east" course. I have only attended one class, but I am already intrigued. There are so many misconceptions and misnomers regarding Islam, the Middle East and "terrorism" it's nice to finally hear, read and talk about the truth(or at least something closer to it). Other than that, Anthropology should keep me busy with zoo trips, human bone structure analysis and way too long Latin name memorization. I'm not so stoked on the zoo, to be honest monkeys have always "freaked me out". To have to go and specifically spend time with my closest non-human relative is not at all appealing; something about them just gives me goosebumps...yuck. Ever since I was little I always thought that out of all the animals in the zoo....the monkeys looked like they knew a way out. Not okay.

Alright off to read read read. Goodnight!

.Uninspiring.

2010-01-19T14:07:00.000-06:00

I haven't written a word for several days. Although it has bothered me slightly I honestly have really had nothing to say. My life is a midst the interim from vacation to life and my mind is hanging somewhere in that balance. I'm here and I'm not. I'm all about ignoring life and watching "A Very Long Engagement" over and over. There is some good news...

My fantastic friend, Chelsea is visiting from San Francisco this weekend and I'm hoping she can help jump start my brain! I am in desperate need of a conversation that does not include anything anthropologie or the fact that we need to buy a new couch. Also seeing a familiar and friendly face will make Santa Barbara a little bit more appealing for a weekend. I've been hiding from this town and avoiding contact for awhile so seeing her and having a friend here will be tremendous. I keep having dreams about returning with her to San Francisco and I have to be honest...I would pack up right this minute and go "home". I miss my city with it's bums and bars. I miss walking 12 blocks to muni and the house coffee from Cole Valley Cafe. I miss the tenderloin and 3 a.m pizza. I miss Golden Era's sweet and sour "chicken", The "wario" from Ike's and the make your mouth dry peanuts from Hemlock. I miss Casanova, indian summers and even Villains freezing cold steel floor. I even miss all the memories I ran from that had assaulted my heart on each corner. In short I miss it all.

Santa Barbara, if at all possible, could you have at least something worth missing? Thank you and sincerely, Amber Joy.

.Back to Real Life.

2010-01-10T15:16:00.000-06:00

I made such a yummy/healthy lunch today! It is a really quick and fat free dish. It includes fresh baby spinach, brown rice pasta and cherry heirloom tomatoes all topped with a balsamic vinaigrette. It really pairs wonderfully with the weather in the central valley today! I also have a soyrizo split pea soup slow cooking in my new crock pot for dinner! I am feeling very accomplished today.

The only thing bumming me out today is that I am not near my family and Danielle, they would really complete my mood.

While back home Danielle and I spent a wonderful 3 hrs sitting in her car just talking about every aspect of life. She means so much to me. Most of my life all of my girlfriends have never been that great and spent most of their time competing with me rather than enjoying our friendship. I honestly just spent most of my time with my guy friends, but as I've gotten older I have come to really appreciate my ladies. I have two very, very important girls, Danielle and Chelsea, who have really changed my life for the better. Even though I have moved far away from both of them, I still think about them and appreciate them each day.

I have spent a good part of the beginning of 2010 analyzing 2009 and appreciating all those important people.. I have come to the conclusion that 2009 was a year of breaking away and even though it hurt to leave behind special things, I know that 2010 is about finding my place. I've devised my dream and now I'm going to live it. So, here's to dreams, fresh food and friends.

.Please Excuse.

2010-01-06T15:19:00.000-06:00

My pajamas and entirely too low quality photo! A friend of mine bought this little book for me and I am SO excited to read it. When school is in session I have a TON of required reading being a History major. So, I can not wait to read something entirely for pleasure and spend some quality time with Bob! Thank you Lance!

Other than enjoyable reading material..I am leaving Prescott way too soon. Good things always come to an end. I will be back "home" in Santa Barbara on Friday and back to work on Saturday. I checked online and Anthropologie has a lot of fun new things in, so I can not wait to get back to work and try it all on! I do not start school until the 25th and this semester's schedule is really intense. I have no idea what I was thinking. Between two History courses, anthropology(the class, not store), geography + lab, and political science....I am going to be a busy, busy lady. I am so excited.

.I survived 2009.

2010-01-02T19:16:00.000-06:00

This is indeed an accomplishment because over the course of the year I have: lived in 3 different places, adopted a dog, came out of a three year slump and started school, lost friends, made friends and made huge mistakes that I have learned and lived through. All of these things I am extremely proud of but, I really would love 2010 to be a year of slowing down, settling in and building instead of breaking down. Although, I do see another big move within 2010, but if it does happen it will be amazing. Anyone been to Texas recently? Just a little hint there.

At midnight on New Years Eve I was pretty much sober, surrounded by friends and really happy....but somehow by 2 am....I was obliterated and spent all of the 1st the sickest I have ever been. However I did this deserves some sort of shit storm award. Either way I am judging my year by how it started out..which was wonderful and entertaining. A good friend, Erin came up to spend it with me and it was really great to have her around. Overall I am excited for what this new year of life holds for me. I just hope it isn't a reflection of my entire night and will not end in absolute chaos.

.Things Change.

2009-12-28T23:42:00.001-06:00

This Christmas was a doozy for many reasons, but I am extremely thankful/happy regardless. Extended family is always interesting, but mine was too much this time around. It's difficult when you don't really see eye to eye with the "elders". I was raised in Arizona, an extremely conservative state, and although I do not necessarily reflect that...my family does. I always find myself to be the recipient of criticism. I can take it pretty well normally, but this year was not an easy one to swallow. I feel very strongly about the gay marriage "issue", it really does bother me, apparently to my Grandmother this means that I myself am gay. Closed minded much? Her other point to support her "Amber is a lesbian" tirade was the fact that I don't bring boys home to meet my extended family, what's comical is that she can't see why. Who would want to introduce someone to an old lady who will hate them regardless?

Besides it being a little uncomfortable to have your sexuality questioned by your Grandmother...I was also upset about how negative she was making the whole thing; and to compound on top of all that...my Grandma does not know me at all. I find this comforting and a little upsetting at the same time. If she knew me at all she would never have to question why I would feel passionate about something, and she would never have to question how I lead my life. Ultimately it was just a reflection on her and how disconnected she is from her family. I just wish she didn't have to be so bitter and negative, but she does help me to realize what negativity looks like and to strive to be a positive/welcoming individual.

At the time of the incident/announcement she made it was hard for me to find the positive and for the first time... I walked out on a family dinner. It was just too much right wing negativity and hatred, and it hurt to know it was my own family helping to perpetuate ignorance. Either way it is over, and I wont have to see her until next Christmas...where she can "drill baby, drill" all over again.

. Happy Hollow-days.

2009-12-24T17:16:00.000-06:00

Back home in Prescott and so very happy! I have been so lucky, despite working retail, to be able to spend a good chunk of time home each year for Christmas. I just helped my mom finish wrapping every one's gifts and hurry around town to buy last minute stocking stuffers. I've also already spent some good time with old friends, Danielle and I had so much fun taking photo boothe pictures! Scrabble games with beer, Paco and Scott also made my holidays that much more enjoyable. I have so much to be grateful for and I can't wait for Christmas dinners, birthday fun and New Year's Eve shenanigans. Speaking of New Years my family has passed down a "curse" of sorts, "however you, your home and your heart is at midnight on New Years is how you will be all year long"...I really never believed it until this past year. I spent last NYE in Tucson at a house show pretty upset and distracted by dumb shit. This year WILL be different I am so determined to make 2010 leaps and bounds better than 2009 by creating an opposite environment for that cursed midnight hour, "let old acquaintance be forgot".

Merry Christmas!

Bob and Stuff.

2009-12-14T20:47:00.001-06:00

I finally hung the best purchase I have made in awhile! I am extremely thrilled and my room feels about 100x's more me! Another wonderful thing is that I will be driving down to LA to meet with a really good friend of mine to carpool to Prescott! I am so excited and Adie will finally get the chance to meet with Lily.!. I can just feel it deep in my stomach that this winter break will be leaps and bounds better than last years. I am making a serious effort to do things completely the opposite this time around. I will NOT touch an ounce of Jaeger on my birthday, I will not be drunk dialing a soul, I will not care about anything but what is in front of me, and it will be wonderfully wonderful!

Speaking of Lily, she has gained some new bad habits that I am having the hardest time breaking! She learned to bump my elbow with her nose while I'm eating...a very obnoxious form of begging and she has learned this new move where she jumps up and then launches herself off of her victim's stomach! This wouldn't be so horrible if she wasn't 60 lbs!! We have currently been new roomie searching here at 315 and one of the potential persons was greeted by a super Lily ninja move and I was absolutely mortified. PS. she's a total sexist and only does this to men.

I can not wait for Christmas in Arizona! I am so excited!

.Until We Meet Again.

2009-12-07T15:12:00.001-06:00

During my days in San Francisco my best friend and I would try to visit this amazing tea house as often as we could. Leland Tea is a very local spot, not on the tourist radar and run by a wonderful man named Will and his mother. Will always had some sort of lovely desert, scone or tea he was concocting and would never take a no answer when insisting on a taste test.

My last week in town my old manager Morgan, Chelsea and I visited Leland for my last time as a Bay area resident and lovely Will made me my very own "good-bye" blend. I just made myself the first cup and like everything else he has created, it is really wonderful and full of beautiful memories.

During the summer Chelsea and I also had the chance to take our Moms to Leland for a tea party of sorts! If you get the chance, it is a really, really great place...but don't tell everybody...it's the best kept secret!

Today is a gloomy and rainy day here in Santa Barbara, but it is a really great hiatus from the usual sunshine and warmth. Also, the perfect weather for the gigantic final I just took!

Alright, off to enjoy my tea and memories!

.Is that it?.

2009-12-04T22:52:00.000-06:00

It all seems too easy, walking away and never looking back. Why is that? I walk away from just about everything in my life from homes, to locations and even hobbies are left behind and paid no mind. Sometimes I look back and wonder, "hmm...if I had not dropped violin after 5 years...would I be playing Mozart each night instead of writing about the civil war?" If I had kept up running, could I be doing major marathons without breaking a sweat? If I had stuck with fashion design...if I had changed my major to merchandising..if I had taken that job in southern California 2 years ago...what if, what if, what if. I guess I may never know and it's entirely frivolous to focus on things like this, but how intriguing to think about the paths I've chosen. I am in this place, right now, right here because of choices I've been making over the past 22 years...almost 23. I don't feel regret, just awe. Life is amazing, I wouldn't want to miss a minute. I am grateful for everyone, everything and every pain I've ever experienced, because it got me here.

Speaking of choices I have chosen to ignore a certain 5 page paper due on Monday, and it wouldn't seem so bad but, I have a gigantic final on Monday too! Oops. Decisions, decisions and more decisions.

.Thanksgiving You a Hard Time.

2009-11-28T13:33:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving was an interesting celebration here at 315. It started out mimosa lovely, somewhere in the middle a serious feminist argument gone wrong and ended on a wonderful espresso concoction. I baked a pumpkin pie and my all time favorite green been casserole, and room mate is still expecting money for god knows what. Paying to eat dinner at my own home where I contributed 2 dishes...she is bizarre. She is also the one who screamed at her best friend's boyfriend about how being attached to a penis is a crime....a hate crime...or something. I wasn't really listening, but I can tell you sociologists argue on the side of "who the fuck cares" whenever they can or can't for that matter. He yelled back, bless his heart, entirely in vain about refusing to stay here or some shit, he felt "judged"...poor guy. I laughed, drank espresso and bummed a cancer stick off of some passerby, while this poor man was shamed into apologizing for his gender. Funny.

Other than that, Finals in a week and then I believe Ms. Lily and I will be riding with Adie back home for Christmas! I am so excited for the road trip and the fact that we will finally be home at exactly the same time! Christmas is going to be great this year, I can just feel it. Over that break I will also be turning 23...23...I'm not sure this is what I had planned for myself at 23...but it is what it is.

.Not Quite How I Saw It.

2009-11-24T11:23:00.000-06:00

Sitting in the airport on my way home. I absolutely cannot wait to see little Lily!

The trip was not exactly how I planned it, but I enjoyed it either way. Being home amongst family and friends made everything worth while. I even proved to myself this trip what 9 months can do for a person, dries those feelings right up. I'm definitely not the same person I was in December of last year, thank my lack of god. Although, I must be honest, I didn't walk away completely unscathed. I don't think you could call me human if I had. Now it's back to school for the last 2.5 weeks and focusing on not only what is important, but what is certain. I am certainly ready for what is certain.

Disappointment is unpleasant, but the sun still came up and life never stops. There are no time-outs, no passes and never a re-do, but that's OK with me now. Everything is OK.

.2 days.

2009-11-16T22:30:00.000-06:00

Two days to go until I am back in my home with my best friend. I wasn't extremely excited until I chatted with her today about plans to hang out, she's a planner too, and it makes things go oh, so smoothly! She is such a peach and has made my whole week by saying she will stay up with me on a SCHOOL NIGHT! I don't care if everything else about the trip explodes, my bestie will be there and that is what matters!
Speaking of school nights, my teacher informed me that my Anne Boleyn research paper I worked on for months has indeed received a perfect score! Not only that, but she also said it was one of the best papers that she has ever had the pleasure of reading. I walked out of that classroom beaming and overjoyed! So nerdy but when you put in that amount of effort it feels amazing when it pays off!
School is going well and my trip is coming up, everything is great. Although, I'm still very nervous about reuniting with an old friend. I hate change so much, but I can feel that there has been a tremendous shift just with me. I am such a worrier by nature. I'm sure it will be fine and I'm keeping expectations out of my mind, but there's just that little thought every now and then.
Everything will be great!
Everything will be great!
Everything will be great!!!

.4 days!.

2009-11-15T11:25:00.000-06:00

I cannot believe how fast November is going, it makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

I leave for Prescott in 4 days and I have some stuff I need to wrap up before that happens. The more I've grown up the more I realize how much I have to plan to feel good about things. My planner is always full and with the smallest things,"Fly Home, remember to check in online, you leave at 12:40, pack pajamas" and thats just part of whats written for that day! I am absolutely not good at the whole "flying by the seat of your pants" movement that my generation loves so much, I need spontaneity, but it gives me anxiety! Then again all these traits come straight from my lovely Mom and I love when I do something that she would do so I don't feel an urge to change it. One of my favorites is how she would get the suitcases out probably 1.5 weeks before the actual trip and proceed to pack them so carefully throughout the whole time span(that I don't do, I pack the night before and like she always warns me I pack FAR to much)! Speaking of Mom, I am so excited to see her I could burst! Living at home over the summer for the first time since I was 18 was so much fun, made me miss being young, and it all made me really miss my Mom. I can cook ok, but not like her and her meals are something I dream about. I have probably 4 recipes I can call go to recipes, but thats about it. None of these recipes include baked goods. I love cooking and hate baking, and strangely enough my two best friends adore baking so it works out!

Alright off to finish my project that I wrote a paragraph about in my planner!

.To Be Family.

2009-11-11T13:43:00.001-06:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but the holidays to my family means...war. A constant struggle of who's house, what food and best presents. A true gladiatorial contest of epic proportions and portions. It generally starts around my cousin's birthday November 8th and carries right on through to mine December 27th.
The first battle has already been waged and my Aunt has pulled out the big guns, "we just want to do something with OUR family, no hard feelings." Of course this may only seem like flares, a simple warning, but this declaration comes after staking Thanksgiving territory as her responsibility. Shock waves are felt through the ranks of Grandparents and my own Mother, they retort and bristle with annoyance; imeediately stirring into a frezy. With my Aunt's blockade piggybacking on said cousin's ignorance of the treaties which explicitly outline saying "thank you" for birthday calls and gifts, her side of the family is now...the enemy. Mother and Grandma prepare for war, for with Grandma's new fiancee and looming wedding, sending peace envoys is unlikely.
Old hatchets thought to be buried are hastily dug up and thrust at the enemy, and Grandma plays the ultimate weapon, the "I'm the Mother" card. No movement yet from behind enemy lines, but true to Italian family form, there will be no end without surrender.
Happy F&@*ing Holidays.

.13 Days.

2009-11-06T15:23:00.001-06:00

Definitely a weird, wide eyed picture, but that is my new favorite winter time accessory! I work at Anthropologie and 40% off that little number really made my season! Although, I believe it will mostly come in handy while visiting Prescott, where I will be (as seen above) in 13 days!

I have to admit that as I write this I am completely stressing out, I have a paper due on Sunday night at 12 a.m, that I just cannot for the life of me get into. It is in regards to Glaspell's play Trifles, and the assignment is to compare it to gender justice in a modern day movie. That's not all, she also gave us an article doing just that, comparing it to Legally Blonde, as well as two other articles that mostly harp on the idea of feminism in literature. These articles are to be our only sources. First of all I seem to be drawing a blank on movies and in my humble opinion I really don't find the characters in Trifles to be all that inspiring in regards to women's rights. They keep a secret from their husbands on behalf of a friend.....SO. I do that everyday, and women have done that for each other for centuries, it wasn't what got us out of the kitchen. In reality, of all the triumphs for the fairer sex, with holding information from men doesn't strike me as revolutionary...as I said we've done it for centuries. I also have another question, why do women in literature and film always have to be straddled with feminism? Don't get me wrong now, I see myself as independent and in no way do I need a man to guide me through life, but I also don't feel it necessary to label myself. So ladies, why are we so quick to slap on the feminist cause to each of our fictional females, when most of the time, they really don't deserve it? and how on earth am I going to support that notion through 6 pages?!?

.15 days.

2009-11-04T11:17:00.000-06:00

I can not wait to see my Roo in 15 days! I can not wait for our walks, talks and giggles. I can not wait to be in a place where people don't associate someone with a different "look" to Amy Winehouse( boo on you Santa Barbarians). I can not wait to see and hug my family. I can not wait to visit Sundances and laugh my heart out. I can not wait to take 10 million pictures with my lovely Danielle! I can not wait to wake up late and not have to go to class. I can not wait to feel the Fall weather that this beach town lacks. I can not wait for mom-cooked meals. I can not wait.

However, I am so nervous that I can't think about it to much.

.Lost Compass.

2009-10-30T21:02:00.000-05:00

I got the itch again, that get me out of here, I need to move itch. It happens more often then than not and causes me to spend a lot of time controlling the urge to pack up and never look back. I have no idea what I'm looking for, and I use that as my main argument against these nomadic urges. If you don't know what you're looking for, then why go look for it? Stay here and let it find you. That has yet to happen and my patience wears thin quickly, but I continue to wait. It never found me in San Francisco and Santa Barbara is shaping up to be the same story; where is " it"?
School definitely helps, it keeps me grounded and creates an obligation to an established life, but that backfires occasionally and makes the urge to leave even harder to handle. I feel that there are answers, but I can't define the questions.
I may not know where I'm going or why, but I do know what I hope for. I hope to never hurt like that ever again, and I wish every night at the same time that it's not slowly taking steps to recurring, my own personal nightmare. I do not want to perpetuate the cycle, I let it end, but it found it's way. Now, I do not know what I'm doing again.
This is silly, to worry so much about days to come, it is not in my control and to worry is so counter productive. But, I still will wish every night that this is different.

.Everyone Loves a Story with a Moral.

2009-10-22T12:31:00.000-05:00

I wrote this while sitting on my fire escape in the grand San Francisco tenderloin. I miss it, so here it is.

spending time...
I've been spending a lot of time on a mode of escape with a bird with one leg. I never noticed it only had one leg until one day, with no specific reason. She's always there though, it's always the crippled ones that stick around.
I smoke a cigarette, (something recently picked up again and even more recently ended), and she turns her head in the weirdest ways. Maybe the smell bothers her too.
She had babies, they lived in a planter outside my window. Then some asshole blew them off the side of a building with a power washer, and they died. She seems OK though. But, maybe she should pick up smoking just in case.
Iguess the moral of the bird is this:
someone may take your legs out from under you, something close to you may suddenly be gone and some asshole could make it hard to breathe, but you'll find an escape.

Fast foward to present.....
I no longer have a fire escape, a bird with one leg and inspiration to write from. Life is different now. I made the final great escape and left that city with the genetically crippled bird population; I tipped my hat to my feathered friend's way of life and flew south for the winter. Some might say it was for the better, some might say that foggy city was where I fit in best. I guess birds of a feather don't always flock together. The way I saw it was, my personal Eco system had disintegrated and a new predator that I couldn't shake was always on my tail. It's name was memories, and he followed me every where I went, taking a chunk of my heart out with each restaurant, street corner, and crosswalk he and I had been together. I realized, I wasn't in the best place for myself; I needed more than just surviving the day to day, I needed to evolve.
I stick out in my new habitat, I still wear the camouflage of my previous domain. It draws attention, but memories isn't here, he hasn't caught my tracks and migrated...yet. Like in most nature shows, he will, that's what makes him a predator. But, I've evolved and I think I've got some new tricks up my sleeve.

.Being Sensitive.

2009-10-15T00:50:00.001-05:00

I've been extremely sensitive to my surroundings for the past week! It's so frustrating when you can't get out of your head and stop over analyzing stupid shit. I have so much going on right now school wise that it makes it even more upsetting that I can't get my head back out of the clouds. But, for me it's that time of year, fall and the hell-idays.....money becomes annoying, trying to get time off and feeling lonely without a soul in this new place. I'm complaining a lot, I know, it's bad. I just dread the upcoming weeks in the most unhealthy way imaginable. Next week after this last midterm I'm hoping Amber doom and gloom passes without a trace. Here's hoping!

I do however love the little brown and white dog that is sleeping on my leg at the moment, she is an angel and gets me through the day. Best thing I have done this far in life is adopt her, I am convinced!! She is always so thrilled to see people and is the best spooner I've ever had!

Good night, I'm going to dream my way into a great PMA!!

.and then..and then...and then.

2009-10-13T11:57:00.000-05:00

This past week has been a busy one! Midterms took over my life and then I took a trip up to San Francisco to surprise one of my best friends for her 25th birthday! It was a ton of fun, but in the Amber and Chelsea fashion we took zero photos. Silly girls. Regardless, it was amazing to be back in the city, I love it, still. It's always been an intense love affair, love..hate..love. Love the people, hate the street kids, love the food, hate the expenses...etc.
I mentioned in a previous entry that a "friend" has reappeared back in my life, I'm currently still on the fence about this matter. Is it even worth trying this hard to repair something I lived just fine without for 9 months? That is a long period of time and things can change, I think I have changed. I desired the friendship while it was absent, but now that it's back I am reminded of all the crazy shit that comes with it. I'm never one for packaged deals. Although, I must point out, most of the crazy shit...is me. This part of my life is such a juncture, so many forks in the road, and I never seem to know which is the way to go.

.Wearing More, Wearing Out.

2009-10-06T13:07:00.000-05:00

Look at me in a scarf and cardigan! I normally hate colder weather, but this year I was looking forward to it! I have a feeling this is as cold as it gets here too, so not to much to dread as far as winter goes!

It's been a long week, midterms are on the horizon, as well as my huge research paper. Beyond school and homework last week had an interesting surprise, a good friend of mine decided that holding out wasn't appealing anymore. I had come to this conclusion many moons ago, but it is a relief that he is now on the same page. We have known each other long enough that the conversation was just like normal, a really comforting thing; and to know that he is alive and as well as can be is a huge weight off my shoulders.

People come and go, and sometimes they go and then return.

This weekend I am surprising another friend, no details, but it should be amazing!

On the home front, everything has calmed down, threatening neighbor and her scary sniper boyfriend, have moved. The cheating room mate has been buying me cupcakes and offering beer as a means of peace, but I'm still cynical. Work has been good, anthro is a really hard on the wallet, but a great place to work so far.

On that note I am off to the library for some one on one time with Anne Boleyn, wish me luck on developing this thesis!

.You Look Good to Me.

2009-10-01T01:33:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day, I accomplished a lot! I still have a thesis to narrow down, 12 page paper to compose and a midterm next week, but I feel good! I am back to my old/real self a little rough around the edges, a little untrusting and extremely self sufficient. I feel happier, I feel like me again! I feel so much better saying good-bye to that "walk all over me" saccharine, sickening sweetness. Not the best point of view I'm sure, but with this crazy lot I've been blessed with, it's the best I can do.
I'm back into the swing of things catching up on homework and eliminating unnecessary time wasters. It still would be nice to have at least one person here in SB that I felt comfortable around, but I'm not letting it get me down. Who needs friends when you've got...midterms?
Danielle, the bargain hunter, found tickets for $48 one way! It would be amazing to have her positive outlook around for a few days; maybe she can help me to desire to be nice again!
Alright blog-land back to reading and writing! Good night

.Home Wishes.

2009-09-29T21:33:00.000-05:00

I miss the summer, shows with Danielle, Moctezuma trash, and Sundances cigarettes. I wasn't absolutely positive that it was the happiest I'd been in years, but right now I am dead solid sure of that fact.
I can't even walk out my door in Santa Barbara without dirty looks or dirty remarks. My neighbors think my name is "whore", and each time they mumble it or yell it from a hidden place, animosity grows. The feelings aren't towards them either, but to the two people who actually did something wrong, the two that decided their own selfish needs super ceded that of everyone around them. The two that have let innocent people take the fall, blame and discomfort of their choice. I've never felt more like a pawn in someones game in my life. I'm not always kind, "sweet" is not a normal adjective in my description by people who have yet to climb over the wall that I've set up in defense. But, this time I decided I would start over in this place, make friends, not enemies. I ended up with zero friends and a neighborhood of enemies. Needless to say, "sweet" wasn't worth my time, I should've stayed in my standoffish, uninvolved comfort zone; it's never given me undeserved shame. Plus, the people in my life who have gotten over the wall are fantastic, to die for people, and I am grateful for them everyday. These recent few who had a free pass.....I wish I had never met. So, free passes are now null and void, everyone new is out, forgotten, and thoroughly regretted. As negative as it sounds, I will sift through people, it's all about self preservation at this point. The damage is done, the looks are flying and I will ignore and try to start new...again.

."Good" Morning.

2009-09-28T15:07:00.000-05:00

These past few days have been unreal, absolutely unbelievable. I wrote in the previous entry that I was being blamed for something I didn't do, I failed to mention that one of my room mates, was not so blameless. SHE, not me, had been sleeping with the neighbor boy behind behind my finger pointing "friend" from the previous entries back.

On Wednesday of last week, my neighbor tried to confront me, and ended up apologizing profusely once I had shown her e-mail evidence of my innocence (annoying), but the neighbor boy let me take the fall(bastard, he gets worse). Well, later that day other room mate (I have two) the guilty one decides to come clean, for whatever reason. She asks the neighbor to meet her in a nearby park and she tells her everything. Neighbor comes home a mess, me and my other room mate go over to be supportive, but of course had to tell her that we had known, my roomie obviously knew longer then me. BLAH BLAH. Anyway, fast forward to last night....my room mate (not guilty one, we shall call her B)..B's car battery died and a sweet gentlemen had arrived with jumper cables, neighbor and her cheater ex are in her house, and their cars are blocking in my room mates, she goes over to ask them to move their cars, and hell breaks loose. Neighbor flies off the handle, screaming at us through our window, we follow her to her house concerned, she had obviously cracked. She starts threatening B, says she's going to kill her, calls us "evil whore bitches, who live with the devil", I tell B to go home because I was truly scared for her. She walks home and I'm left with the woman scorned, trying to calm her down...thought strikes me, "the root of the issue is sitting inside the house, where is he?". I proceed to ask her where "E" is, she points inside, I fling open the front door and low and behold...he is straight LOUNGING on the couch, arms propping up his head, legs outstretched, comfy as a cat. I was in shock, there he is..the cheater in person, who ruined my week, let me take the fall for something I didnt do, just LOUNGING. SO, I call him out, ask him why he isn't helping, I get the deer in the headlights look, and me being an unfortunate angry crier, run home in angry tears yelling "I just fucking moved here". Becca is waiting for me in our back yard and we go inside, lock the door, Neighbor girl comes running over POUNDS on the door, yelling profanities and threats galore, room mate who fucked the boy calls the cops. Cops appear, find out he's ex military and ask if they have guns, which they do. They cleared the whole block, ran us down to another street, proceed to arrest her on a felony charge, and guess who has to give a statement?!? ME. HORRIBLE, so since its a felony charge, her bail is around $50,000 and as far as I know, she's still in there. Other neighbor from across our alley walkes by our windows this morning and yells loudly "E, you should've told me, I'd love to beat a white chicks ass". And, just this second the police called and said she posted bail, she's coming home, ten feet from my door, and I didn't do a damn thing. Please tell me everything is going to be ok.

.early morning library.

2009-09-22T13:51:00.000-05:00

Coffee in hand and surrounded by books! I look as tired as I feel in that picture. I've spent a majority of my time with one book in particular Love Letters of Henry VIII, I've never received a "love letter" per say, I have received the silly notes in high school and some sweet texts...but no letter. Being the history nerd that I am, I always wonder what it was like back in Henry's time when men and women actually wanted to be married and bear children. I probably would've ended up like his daughter Elizabeth, never married but always flirting, her and I would've definitly seen eye to eye. She saw the importance of her "job", and the politics of love. She chose to keep men at arm's legnth but their affections very close at hand, she did this so that she didn't appear weak, I love it.

Speaking of weak, I seem to have this unwarranted reputation that follows me. Girls tend to hate me, they feel like I'm out to get their boyfriends/ex-boyfriends etc. I can explain to them until I'm blue in the face that I would never do that, HAVE NEVER done that, but it never gets me anywhere. They have "dreams" and "premonitions" then...magically I'm ousted from the inner girl gang as the outcast man-grabber. When looked at in the context of my life, it's comical. My bio-daddy ruined my early childhood by being a cheat/dirt bag and my aversion to cheating is so ingrained since littledom that I automatically find a man unattractive if he's trying to cheat. I am one hell of a loyal friend, I always put my friendships first and none of this matters, my maybe-man-stealing capabilities are just insurmountable for these girls with no confidence. So you say, "well obviously they aren't meant to be your friend", it has happened in EVERY friendship (minus my beautiful married Danielle) sometimes the friendship recovers, most of the time I get fed up trying to prove my innocence I just give up. If only "innocent until proven guilty" was a mainstay in the everyday.

Lock up your men ladies, I may just want to be your friend.

.Today.

2009-09-18T14:37:00.000-05:00

Last night I "ragged" my hair. It was really easy and the results have lasted pretty well so far. My stick straight hair tends to really bother me, and curling iron curls don't hold. So far ragging wins as the best method for keeping the look all day.
Speaking of last night, I had a horrible dream! Someone told me that they just "didn't care" about something that mattered/matters to me a great deal. It completely threw off my day, I spent so much time in my head I absolutely failed my Italian test. Sure, sure part of it was, I really don't understand Italian yet, but not being able to focus sure didn't help.
Besides the Italian failure, today was alright, it was incredibly foggy which felt so comforting and familiar. It was really beautiful, so the beach was the only option for the afternoon. It was enjoyable and calm, minus the absolutely horrific sight of a mauled seal on the beach, but I wasn't about to let a little shark action ruin my walk. I had that stupid dream to decipher. After the seal my beach, reached conclusion I arrived at is: maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but life goes on and on and on, there's no choice but to keep going.
I have left and come back to this post 3 times! First the beach, then trader joe's, then pet co...I told you I couldn't focus. I look WAY to far into dreams, I always have. But I feel they really do in fact mean something, maybe not in the future telling sense, but it has to be something that I need to deal with, otherwise why would my subconscious bring it up? I don't even think I ate anything today besides a handful of cheez-its....yeah no...coffee and cheez, GROSS!
Alright I'm officially going to get out of my head and actually function.

. Life of the Search Party.

2009-09-15T17:18:00.000-05:00

I'm the docs, and my sweet best friend belongs to the mice. I miss her very much. I miss her very much especially when people are rude, because she never really is.

I am, or can be if provoked, but I do try to not be the initiator of cold behavior. But, when people have conversations on facebook in regards to me or my dog and think I won't see it, or maybe trying to be passive aggressive really pushes my buttons.

Someone PLEASE tell me that one day I will have respectable room mates who aren't condescending, rude,selfish, dirty or drug addicts! I had such high hopes for when I moved in, but the demands have become absurd, and the attitude disturbing. I have done NOTHING to warrant the condescending behavior, how could I have, I just bloody moved in! Maybe my youth is deceiving? 22 and easily stomped on? Hmm. I guess I could be more abrupt, but it takes a lot of energy to be so confrontational all the time. I guess I feel that I have better things to do. But, living with someone who clearly doesn't have anything better to do, really is putting me in quite the position.

OK, I feel better, as I said before these situations really make me miss my best friends, Chelsea in San Francisco too. At least when my room mates were insane in SF I had her a block away to run to and eat ice cream and vent/laugh about the insanity awaiting me at home!

On a lighter note, school is going really well, classes are great! I've really been keeping my procrastinating personality in check, which is doing me a great service!

P.S someone lend me $8,000 so I can study abroad in Cambridge?

Off to the Farmer's Market!